Big Girl

Wanting a car and job by the time i graduate.
Wanting a bf to ALWAYS call hubby know everything about and say baby
Be able to shop whenever do whats necessary to make me and the ones directly around me happy with no consequences.

Baby.
Baby??
I used to despise that word yupp i despise it once again.

Mommy used to tell me only the devil needs to get that close.. or something like that
1. When is it ever time to quote my mom.
2. When is it safe to say I hate being ignorant and though knowing everything in the world would ultimately kill me I REALLY WANT TO KNOW.
3. I effin hate surprises like dead ass I HATE THEM.
4 Im probably not going to keep in touch with these folks in school, well after tonight idk who I will keep in touch with .. probably the principal.. he is always full of quotes.
5 Im about to be real sarcastic and to myself again.. God I thought I passed that stage in life ... i guess freakin not.
6. Im about to do WHATEVER i want, everyone else does without caring if it hurts others.
7. just LISTEN to your mom whoever has your best interest at heart but then again you dont really know your in a ditch until you look up.


I need God, yeah like the more I search for him the cloudier the road gets, the road to him gets more and more slippery by the second. There is always an excuse for failing but success has no excuses.

No more playing with this big girl stuff if you dont know what it is RUN!!

lol little scaredy cat.



-peace_gold

Picture Diary!! Prom 09 =)

Coo Coo for Coa Coa

Life is crazy its all a bunch of random collisions. =X


Random pic



live_gold

World Premiere Anyone?

This is me Nicole with her first publishing. Yes, I am arriving.
But not without the push and struggle of others who love and care for me.
I must thank every single one of my fans... (tear*)
"lol"
okie okie its not that serious but yay me anyways...






One other notes.
Im not an open book but my chapters are there, you may take my words and twist them into any shape you want but words are rape victims and they take their lives for granted, I believe this is where slang comes in. My pages are filled with stanzas not paragrapghs, I take the side of my work because it cannot stare knifes at me nor cut me with cold mean texts.
I stand with my feet together because apart they fall. Locked straight they cramp but bent they are more flexible.
Hey Im Nik_gold
nice to meet you.



Final point. I think I have that ability/curse w.e where you taste things you touch, smell things you hear vice versa... the taste I just heard..... blahhhhh
like seriously. Im going to google it.


live_gold

Blanket Market

Why would you dump Rihanna as a spokeswoman??
Yes shes took some punches, became the women most women keep private and stayed with Chris afterr the abuse but hey she is still promoting your product..

In factt....
Your product should sell MORE.
Do you see any sign of abuse and scarrring in those close ups? We know computer editing but come onnn people think. ANd plus I kind of like Rihanna's new jerrk curl -knock off kanye look,

=)

First Block Episode

I can honestly say this month has been.. well rather different. Actually having to be in it to experience how it is. Eleven points for eleven days of random fasting (meaning just forget the internet but Im eating what I shouldnt!!)
1. Not voted best dressed. ( But clearly am, smh at Stephenson and the lames that attend it. Im so on my college grind now!!)
2. Big Sister had some drama and is now relocated to ATL =)( She has always been the peace maker between my mom and I, she makes sense!)
3. Mom wants to be the dirty, old, raggidy, weird black vine spreading rumors and lies but now about her own kids. (Wow what great parenting skills you have my dear)
4. I only have friends and best friends, nothin more, (once again thanks mom)
5. Havent made any progress what so ever between all the drama, mom and trying to stay sane.
6. Couldnt even DANCE it off dance practice was canceled so I might just have some more stuff to do when I get home.. Like danceee! in the shower, closest outsideee =)
7. Realized I was very busy at one point with one person and I can do a WHOLE lot in the meantime.
8. I have rather senstive feelings though I wrap them in a razor blanket so everyone else can feel my wrath. (hehehe)
9. Im very well rounded and not falling off the edge, nor near it for that matter.
10. I havent begun to miss myspace or facebook like that but we can forget the fast food and junk food when your mom doesnt cook nor bring food home regularly.
11. You can only look out for your best interest, though people care and love you they might not know all you want and the path you would rather choose.

On other notes. Lily Allen miscarried. I dont know how I feel about it. I believe its horrible, but its also life and might help her writeeeeee and make better music =)


This week has been absolutely.... scenic.
Even the cloudy days were memorable.
I really have to pray about a lot also.
School My Future My Mom and Sister.
Where this path is leading me how I think of myself and where God plans to take me...

We shall see.
Updates soon...
Live _gold

Sunlit 61st

Soo today was like the 2nd or third day and I cheated! =/

I saw push today!! The movie was 6.5 I didnt fall asleep but it was confusing and didnt end wrapping all the loose ends together.
Then I lost my Steak and Shake virginity!
Their 89 cents burger out the McDonalds cheeseburger and double cheeseburger to shame AND it wasnt even a CHEESEBURGER. It was great their fries however are skinny!! I like my mickeydee fries anyday! however I didnt get to try their shake I thought that was over indulging....

Tomorrow Im wearing sweats and also bringing a camera so I can take pictures.
When I wear my senior sweat shirt leggings and warm boots and a hat. The leggings and the hat of course wont be shown but it will be there =)

Anywho We shall see how tomorrow goes. People like my zebra nails its clear this time but Im getting it done tomorrow. =)


live_GOLD

Give it up: My Fasting Virginity

I dont know how exactly to get through this.
I know that when I'm done with this i'll read my bible.
I know that I'm doing this until the 18th for sure.
I know that I may be taking this too seriously but if I dont I'll slip up and let you down... =P
Seriously though I have to do this I believe the average 17 yr old has about 75 percent self-control. I on the other hand have about 35. Why? Quite simply because I'm used to getting what I want. No not that I'm spoiled rotten but the things I want arent that out of reach just so I wont hear a no...
But anyways the sun is out. Half the reason most words are white and in church the first sunday we wear white. =)Purified.

We were out of school for this, slush, water, and the sun. Im not complaining though.








New Shoes


Ill be back with updates, this is just the beginning!
live_GOLD

Fast March Madness

The month of my 17th birthday has been a real roller coaster in the first couple of hours.

Turning 17 I will be drama free and relaxed but why wait I'm in a transition now for what i have yet to figure out but it involves being 100% honest with everyone no matter how raw.
Maybe rawness for mother deareast but everyone else can get.

Mommy asked, well its not her first time asking but she asked today for the 9589 billionth time why in every relationship I get in the person confesses his love for me. Not true in the summer case but in general its usually positive news on my side. She convinced herself I was my father's child and people are just naturally attracted to me and a part of me may believe it but I looked around for a more solid answer...
Then I stumbled across this...




"Marriage Magnet Reveals Her Basically Unhelpful Secret
Dating & LoveOdd NewsFeb 20th 2009
By Emerald Catron

Hey lonely hearts, looking for love in all the wrong places? One woman has been proposed to NINE freaking times, and she's finally figured out what the secret is.

British author Adele Parks, now 40, had already been proposed to seven times by the time she was 23, starting with a 17-year-old boyfriend at a roadside cafe. Her trick was easy enough -- she just wasn't herself.

It turns out that by acting however the guy you're with wants you to, and presenting yourself as something you're not, is a great way to get proposals!

Winning Over Mr. Wrong
Of course, like Adele, you probably wouldn't want to accept those misguided marriage offers, so maybe they shouldn't really count.

Writes Parks, "My fault was that I gave each boyfriend the part of me I knew they'd find palatable, but never the whole package. I should have had the confidence to present myself wholly, truthfully, faults and all. Instead, I was living like a trainee Stepford Wife.""




No I have never been proposed too not even once. But part of this ladies statement is true for me. EITHER I have a very adaptive personality which can be very true because Im also 100% comfortable with who I am in relationships. Well 90% in these last few.

OR

Im just like her, I self conciously pick a part of me that they are prone to and mold myself around it for the next several months.

This could be the answer to why I always change every couple of months (apperance small stuff) Or it could be that Im still just changing and growing. Like my eco teacher Mr. Jeffrey says there are no black and white areas just grey ones.




IMPORTANT
Im also fasting.
This includes
myspace
facebook
candy
soda junk
and anything else I feel is unworthy.

It funny because I used to look at people who fasted and was like wah?? I guess i JUST NEVER took it as serious as I should have. Focusing on the wrong things. Like my sister said this morning which really calmed me down, take 10 secinds regroup and refocus.
Im reading a random scripture from my bible every morning and writing in my new flower book and doing these online blogs on how Im doing.
I think my mom would be proud of my ambitions but I plan to show here through actions instead of talk.



Movingonnnnnn.

range 2006

OR
range 2003


I know there is a crazy difference in price as in year but Georgia is known for selling cars to any Dick, Sue, Mary or Harry.
My plan is to get a good job (one I can continue through college)
and small loan along with the money daddy should have paid me all these years and maybe even a little of my bond money. I dont want to be in too much debt but I already will because of college.


COLLEGE....

well this is a totally different story. Every weekend and spare time i have goes to college applications, scholarships, fafsa SOMETHING to do with my future and Im not mad at it my future looks bright but can they make applications a little easier. Like colleges on the same level once you send one application out to one it goes to the rest?? And scholarships that are a given with the school or associate themselves with the school email you. There is so much to do!! Im not even finished at least one out of two schools still NEED something from me. Im really just wanting a acceptance letter and a pedi-mani for my bday. I believe I deserve it.

I have no idea birthdays have really never been a real big thing for me but every bday I get my hopes up that something BIG and wonderful will happen ... and well. It hasnt. Though Henry's jesters were nice they dont count when I have no affection back.
The couple I love the most at Stephenson my bomb high school has to be beast Cassandra and Rob. Sandra and I had class together and she asked me almost everyday where my clothes came from. Yes, that can really make you love someone why not? When they think like you? Anywho their affection is sweet, civil and modest yet its clear they are special to each other, already with kodaks and just seem to click easily.
Yes this is Nicole rambling having no idea yet again where she is going with this...
=X

I shall be a little prayer warrior these next few days, but I can't do it alone. Pray for me.
Too finish it off here are some pics of the fake Georgia snow storm we experienced today...






delicious curry and rush hour movie! yum!


live_gold

Who the F cares?

Youtube..
alzy52 (1 hour ago) Show Hide 0 Marked as spam Reply | Spam HAHAHA I really like how everyone keeps saying she's ripping off all these current female artists like Rhianna. But no one is accusing her of ripping off Salt and Peppa, or anyone from the 90's hip hop era because your all too young to realize that all your favorite artists from today are indeed copying the artists from the last wave. Why? Because these artists grew up idolizing those people and are now paying homage to them. This same fight happens every time something "new" comes out.
alzy52 (1 hour ago) Show Hide 0 Marked as spam Reply | Spam Agreed! I've already said it somewhere buried deep in here but she's not using the term Diva wrong, she's just not using it at it's current usage.

But if you want to split hairs the original or at least oldest definition of the word "Diva" (although it was spelled different since they where using Old English then but still pronounced the same way) has nothing to do with women at all, it was used to describe a person hired under a Royal family to murder people that spoke against the family.






UMMMMM
i believe some people just wanted to watch the video and believe to approximately 5 minutes that they could be a diva too. no matter what the term is. you people are most definetely looking too deep into it.

the REAL of "super"stars

Whats been happening underneath Rihanna's umbrella?? Disclosed sources have said that she contracted the disease herpes from a person left unknown, passed it on to R&B artist Chris Brown and this is why over the past couple of weeks their relationship has been unsteady.

Whatever the case female bashing is not the answer. The day of the grammy's approximately 12:30 someone who heard Rihanna (Robyn Fenty) screaming and not crys' of joy from her runnin man but of pain. What could make this relationship fall from the pedestal from which we have all put it on? One whole year and a couple of bad weeks can ruin it all.

Chris Brown later that day turning himself in on domestic abuse charges at 6:34pm to Los Angelos Police and bail set at 50,ooo which duh, he posted. But still not the point if I were to decide in my dramatic fantasy little head. .... Rihanna got Herpes (please nothing worse) from one of her little white jigga boos (and please not jigga boo!!) and recieved herpes in which she didnt know at this point went back to chris told him and this is where there faultiness started flarring. Though I would have waited until after the grammys for this.

I dont know man! From the abuse it could be rough sex gone arwy. Bite marks, the face bruises could have been the headboard from earlier IDONTKNOW I DONT KNOW. I hope its not an ike and tina not that it efffects my life maybe the sale of doublemints and a lot of umbrellas...

On the other hand..

Is she the kind of women to let this happen? It was only a year relationship not set in stone (star tattoos) but who knows this doesnt have to be the first beating. Cause trust sources say she was WHOPPED like a whopper (i know corny) but she better not pull a taylor swift and write a song about everything then fall back.

I was never a fan of men younger I dont know always felt like there was a compliance in just that mild gesture. Whatever the case because I am not living his or her life for them I hope all is well and Chris Brown's mother prays really hard we all know his doublemint commercial has already been pulled.

On the topic of superstars on superficial pedestal.
Micheal Phelps!!
Mr. Weedies!!




Alex Rodriguez is over here lying in his apologies.. its okie though thats why Madonna dropped you for JESUS... Jesus Luz 21 year old male model to be exact. But dont worry just keep doing your spot-off interviews and suming up your words in a steroids went to my head way... i guess.





until more news breaks the everydays bluessss.
I told you these people are too regular stop putting them up there and then expecting miracle-type results... noone is perfect not even Beyonce sad to say. =(


ha hah hahahahahha gets me EVERytIMEEE!! lol

Other Sources; tmz.com people. com, google imagesss


live _gold. =)

Awesome performance w. labor standard

Month of Love

SO celebrate this month of love here are just a few things that bring love into my life. =)












this week is one busy week
and i should be updating with what FEB is REALLY about BLACK HISTORY...
so for now =)

Live _gold.

jealously

so today i found out i was a jealous
person
someone with flaws inabilities and casalities.

i hate it. lol
ill get over it in a couple days

=/
=)

Goin in for L-O-V-E

This is a poem I wrote the other day about these feelings that were growing on me,

Opinions deflect us with dichotomy
Sunrise beats the clouds epiphany
Only seas survive with the energy of my black atomic bomb

It shall never be odd the beating of two hearts equaling one
Or one sun is chased by the darling moon
Starry eyed night paints irregularities in my heart’s deepest treasure chest

Our love over the crowds unbarring eyes
Unraveling in pursuit of a jealous mother
Ever changing love induced spear of leeway

Argue to behold a common peace
As we sit fighting each other’s perpetual stare
My heart degrades the red pumping with venom

Your fondness penetrates my eager superstitions
Molded ink tales run chapters in my own atrocious wit
Can’t let myself fare too remote

So kiss, these frosted engines of lust filled gratitude
Sunday inspired dignity
Too carry in guests of accompany and merriment

So we shall walk naked on the sharpest of seashells
Obscure sunset with brisk brown wind
Tinkling the nape of our dazed ankles

In our tears rejoined
With purple lubricants of dynasty and everlasting affection
Two hearts to fill one body in motion of the deep blue sea


Nik_gold
01/05/09

Your bliss in this year will not be self consciously dismissed*

Lets start a new =) (my terrified face her funny one)

My longest blog title so far. But i mean it.
This year we cannot dismiss our hopes and dreams to achieve common and under the limit goals.
Undermining our boundaries, capabilities and aimless titles of reconstruction.
We can do it all we say to ourselfs the first fresh and innocent days of the new year.
The first couple of months in our positively dandy resumes and attitudes fly out the dusty and used window along with our resoulutions of helplessly losing those few added pounds and/or moving up on the social/ career path.

Its been a year since ive been a common blogger. Blogging about things that come to mind and trigger a response throughout my mundane day.
What ive learned is that the response to words such as these are not just a product of the person saying them but what the words actually mean to those read and comprehend the written notions of them.
A universal soundtrack of love, hate and or understanding.
Some words are even the direct contact of us being vessels for the highest one above.
His love our written syllables so when we breathe we dismiss ashes of death.
the unassumed responsibility of the mind to cope with indifferences in the world and the constant search of comparisons between decent human beings.

I love the constant motion of the life the ups AND downs. The downs just because without them we wouldnt know the true meaning of a high.
I know its disgustingly random but My mind wonders to the themes of my expressions when thinkng about why I write them.

On to a familiar topic on New Years. WHy make resolutions when you end up breaking them two to three weeks in? How about striving not to break the resolutions you would of have if you actually made them. Or just striving to be all you can be like the army without being in the army.
Which reminds me I would have loved to be at the inauguration but because of a improvident mother and a tendency to let things slide to the "back-burner" I will be home and or in school occuring my time. Life lessons...

We shall see how this first week of my graduation, evolving, maturing, loving, caring, providing, progressing year goes.


live GOLD

Big-Rate-Fool-For-See-Son

okie but its close to Brittney Spears song title, "IF YOU SEEK AMY"
Figure that one out.

But just a topic Be greatful for the season
and appreciative.

Its the end of the year and just thinking about all the things shows the growth of the person.
Just cant wait to start a new on the next one.


My own canvas.

God loves me...

"Attention, lovers of pink lace and leopard print and frilly frocks and pretty party dresses: Betsey Johnson probably, most likely, pretty much definitely, is coming to a Target near you next fall! Get the full scoop, after the jump." (Glamour.com)

-nik_GOLD

LoveDoesntLiveHere

I dont want to be that hopeless lover blindlessly loving someone who only half way loves them back.

I dont want to be cheated on and mistreated but still run back with open arms and two black eyes and symphilis and clemedia and 8 different types of std's.

I dont want to be lonely because my supposed "man" is on the phone with another.

I dont want to fall in love and simply just fall...

Love is too risky
Just not for me I guess.
Thats why I choose to be single and the true flirt until someone is safe enough to take it with me.
The pill of trust
cause Im not going in with a full heart next time or leaving with half of one.

Confused?
Love is nor longer living in my heart only calculating in my brain
So shrunken and dismissed they called me HEARTLESS.

Sunday Nights

(just dandy face*)

i just had a dejavu
But instead of a sad lonely depressing one like I would think knowing the situation im in

It was a self renewing one
One that made me think everythings going to be fine.

For some reason I just know God's behind it.
or myself before this life. (get it?=))

either way it made my raggidy A night.

LIVE GOLD. =)

Hope in moderation;;

So we finally have the president all (most) of us have been waiting for. Some change in our lives that noone can take away (hopefully not another Kennedy)...


Dont end something you believe will self distruct on its own.


On my point of view let the man run his full term. It took Bush two full terms to put us in this mess.


One term of positive reinforcement and changes for the better can only take us so far. We are in fact running this term only for the next one. It will take at least 8 years to rake up half the disorderly term oil we are (America) in now.





I always wanted a black president (Biracial can cut it)


Not just because Im black (but trust it has something to do with it)


But also


1. Now our little black boys and girls can have something to look up to. Cant make excuses now because we can make it every single one of us.


2. I dont want any negros running around the streets making havoc because they have a black (homeboy on their side now) but now we can run the streets afros and all ( what stopped us before?)


3. Color coding blacks even with the number of power blacks we have running all around the world. Still being judged on the few bad apples, every race has their bad examples.. We can cope with ours and plant seeds so our young never turn out the same rotten types.





I always wanted a black president for our past.


We came from the cement to create and form a true rose.


Someone that can see the world for the many points of view.


Someone with untainted aspects of the world and doesnt mind letting his fellow Americans know, you know hey guys we have a real problem here, instead of dragging us around like blind mice on leashes.


I want to be fed the truth no matter how bitter sweet it is.





I know I am young, heck I didnt even get to vote. But just knowing a presidential candidate got the most young adults (college students and youth etc) to come out and vote period made my year and years to come. Making changes and he wasnt even elected president yet.





And I can go on with a didactic speech on why if I was 18 I would have voted Obama but who else would have most grey states (indecisive states) voting blue (Democrats).





Only 12 percent of America is Black and to have over 90 percent of your own peoples vote's is miraculous, even more because he was not like Al Sharpen (depending on the negro vote to win).... cause you wont win. It was his own mothers line (Caucasian, clear, white) including the mass majority people of all ages, ehtinicites, backgrounds, the common man, the needy man, the dependent man to come out and vote.


When do we all pick the work over the play??


When the vast majority likes what it offers, the after affects and can live with it everyday of the next four years.


When we know the outcomes and possibilties of what could happen would be positive because we worked every day... just wooww


all of that holiday time, time off because we worked hard and didnt give in (impeachment?, pleasee)





For some reason God didnt give a doubt in my mind that McCain would win, and I was fine with it. Knowing who my leader would be, who would be making the changes for the next four years on health care, education and most importantly the economy.


The sun shone brighter the next morning.


Next to everyone showing their full out for support for Obama.


It was wonderful





A question though..


Who will stand behind him when the economy starts to bail (even more than it is now)?


When the changes are coming too slowly and we, the people are becoming impatient?


Are we still going to be the same Obama supporters we were when he was elected?


Have the same views and opinions the day he was inaugurated?


Be the same fan of change and progression the day his first bill came out?





Or





Will we turn on him like Aubrey from Danity Kane?


Banish him like Janet from the Superbowl?


Dismiss hims like tomatoes in the Salmonella scare?





I wont


I really wont not when he showed his true colors from the start and never wavered nor backed down when a stern hand stood in his way.


Who else then Obama to bring us through the storm.. the same ol Bush-fan-retired- republican cant no matter how many votes you try and cheat states you try and win.


Its always darkest before the light.


And wouldnt you want to see such a change with a man such as Obama?


Tell you grandchildren how a change did come and you were there to stand by its side and see its plans pull through.


Believe in C*O*h*B*a*A*n*M*g*A*e


A change is worth living for dont you think?








CHANGE

Lucky Valentine

October so far.. has been a marvelous month.
Sure the work I have been drowning in only seems to multiply but career wise and friend wise...


WOW

can you have a sisters back or what?
REGRET NOTHING

oh yeah and I have boyfriend(s) now, =)

NO ONE can stop me hahahaha TAKING over the world!
boy golly gee(v.p debate<<<, did you watch)
I miss that show (pinky and the brain)

well im off for now.
Going to watch Apocalyto again

3 things I wish could change
mom pay the heat bill so I can take warm showers again
mom pay the phone bill so the phone wont cut off in the middle of my convo
I didnt have something annoying lodged in my eye.

This week is spirit week at school or homecoming,,,, whatever the case may be expect pictures and lots
MONDAY>> celebrity day_ me myself and i. never went to rehab

Ps. Im out
God Bless =)

Drifting joy//Deadly venom =X

when good things go you hold on tighter??


well I let it go
that old saying if you trully love it let it go and if it comes back its true?


well when it flies back I still dont have a grip nor do I want one
no thats a bold face lie
Its just about being comfortable with it
Dont want to feel sick deep loving into it.
Something that close to you can surely harm you....
eh.//

so for me the next step isnt loving but trust making
no
im not talking about catch-me excercises.
im talking about true life and whatever garbage is thrown your way trust.

when that test is passed its freedom and bliss
something my butt cant dismiss

you can deny lust but never true blue love

Just waiting to travel up the hood path with extra leverage of experience and Godly knowledge.
=)
that would be greeaaaaaaaaaaaaattt.

--The coming attraction
WHAT, the main feature.
SO thick will ability
Is it in your facilty?--

arugala

why do people always find a way to make you miserable?

And I find myself always stuck in between a rock and a hard place.
Drama always finds me at the most awkward moment in time but I must say it isnt as bad as it could be because I rarely get drama,.

But ill pray on it.
Gnite.

Rubberband Stand influences the Wooden Straws.

Just thought that you should know.
That since youve been in my life
Everything I thought was right.
Is
Wrong.

The lyrics of the night.
Dedicted to that special noone.

Right now im in a dilemna.
Trying to cut off dead strings of friendships/relationships that arent getting me anywhere,
Probably motivated by the sudden spark of interest in ... uh dessert. caramel dessert to be exact.
=P
but on a serious note.
Friends with bad motivations who always want you to tag along arent friends at all.

And friends who are more persistant then you to chill etc arent friends but groupies,
Hence the no acquaintances in those sentences.

Groupies_
Plan and simple

Off for my entertainment of the night.