A little something I wrote when I was calling sleeps name and it wasn't calling me...
Enjoy!
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
15.11.12
3.6.11
29.3.10
Feelings.Smeelings.
My feelings get dismayed for my weakness
But in fact Im not a God to get weakened.
Im like you but not in a way
That makes an "us" ideally
I smile daily realistically because there cannot be that much stress in the world
To turn my frown in a plaster of daily suspense
My feelings tell me to breathe easy
Everyday is another opportunity
But in reality another task is at hand and if one is not completed they all pile up
A sticky sand dune left in the sun's wrath
My we are so close to the beginning I often wonder, when will it be over?
And my elbows and shoulders are growing calluses and my face is casting a stone and Im dismayed
My feelings tell me to run and hide
To try and protect the feeling I have left
One half of my body is already Numb
Yet I press on ready and willing to experience the world head on
Good and Bad
Yet we skim through the light and delightful and make songs about the sad and depressing
My feelings turn yellow at the sight of flaws
Dilemmas peaking the height of my day
Dimming the weather to my air
Spreading the last of my tenderness and I feel nothing.
Compelled and withdrawn from here and there
Then and now.
My days melt together and my feelings are gone.
My feelings get dismayed for my weakness
live_gold
But in fact Im not a God to get weakened.
Im like you but not in a way
That makes an "us" ideally
I smile daily realistically because there cannot be that much stress in the world
To turn my frown in a plaster of daily suspense
My feelings tell me to breathe easy
Everyday is another opportunity
But in reality another task is at hand and if one is not completed they all pile up
A sticky sand dune left in the sun's wrath
My we are so close to the beginning I often wonder, when will it be over?
And my elbows and shoulders are growing calluses and my face is casting a stone and Im dismayed
My feelings tell me to run and hide
To try and protect the feeling I have left
One half of my body is already Numb
Yet I press on ready and willing to experience the world head on
Good and Bad
Yet we skim through the light and delightful and make songs about the sad and depressing
My feelings turn yellow at the sight of flaws
Dilemmas peaking the height of my day
Dimming the weather to my air
Spreading the last of my tenderness and I feel nothing.
Compelled and withdrawn from here and there
Then and now.
My days melt together and my feelings are gone.
My feelings get dismayed for my weakness
live_gold
13.10.09
Speaking of
Just an intro... I have had a rollercoaster of a week starting with last Tuesday, I almost felt guilty for being so happy and positive. Now I wish for that feeling back, I proritized and went through my day easily. Now I have to focus more on God, college and my family and not the other oblivious aspects of my life. I believe God takes us through stages in life to reach goals and therefore elevating us as a person. Since college started I'm on a new trail and noone can lead me off.
speaking of diamonds and class and college and growth.
I live like I see fit,
every minute
bit by bit
though some may be humamnized errors to look at oneself miniscule by miniscule
I see nothing wrong since im a young lady..
still in school
I choose now to look at myself as a whole, the world a whole by many
years
decades
eras
memorizing the great ones by the size of their soul
Mistakes come and go leaving misheveled footprints like dirty snow but only wet rimmed eyes can see past the flakes of fake.
Only fake can see fake
so no not I.
The whole that I am can only see real, whole and wonderful things.
The kind of things that pleasant ones bring.
To whom or what I'm speaking to I have no idea.
I speak of diamonds, class, college and growth, that I am, that I see and what I assume makes me
whole.
speaking of diamonds and class and college and growth.
I live like I see fit,
every minute
bit by bit
though some may be humamnized errors to look at oneself miniscule by miniscule
I see nothing wrong since im a young lady..
still in school
I choose now to look at myself as a whole, the world a whole by many
years
decades
eras
memorizing the great ones by the size of their soul
Mistakes come and go leaving misheveled footprints like dirty snow but only wet rimmed eyes can see past the flakes of fake.
Only fake can see fake
so no not I.
The whole that I am can only see real, whole and wonderful things.
The kind of things that pleasant ones bring.
To whom or what I'm speaking to I have no idea.
I speak of diamonds, class, college and growth, that I am, that I see and what I assume makes me
whole.
10.9.09
Even ice pricked pages turn...
Usually when my friend tells me news it must be NEWS, he usually doesn't tell me useless randomness unless were in that kind of moment.
Not today ugh! He told me he is currently talking to someone...Take back the ugh, so my feelings aren't entirely put out there. Im absolutely happy, that he's happy. While texting my response back to him however, a pit grew in my stomach and I soooo wasn't feeling the text anymore. I hate those love stories (trust me not hinting at anything like that) but when they blow something off as if it doesn't hurt them and the person goes on with their life. Only if they would have told them how much they meant to them and just let them in on a portion of their feelings things would have worked out differently.
Not saying that anyone would change and I'm not currently or at all for that matter become the love of his life but feelings this way.. Is that a true friend to be sort of unrealistically happy yet cautioned and very surpised so that what I really want to say is sort of frosted over? If that made ANY sense I hope you know where I'm coming from now. I'm a REALIST, I stay positive throughout the day but prepare myself for the worst which so far has never happened. This incident hit close to home and I'm wondering.. why is my throat dry? I feel like I have to swallow a tennis ball deep in my chest and my eyes are watering and burning like cutting onions. I'm not going to cry.... oh! There you go.. just had to blink. I forget sometimes.. JOKE! Well since that situation won't resolve itself I can only depend on life's time, practice and effort and realize how many people in the world I haven't met yet that are compatible, will hurt me and ultimately make me stronger. Especially since again in two years I plan on attending Howard and then graduate school (which preferably is not a HBCU) Wait!!! Before you judge. lol I just need diversity I liked that about VOX (the teen newspaper I wrote for), I LOVE that about the world and it is my main reason for begging my mom to let me travel soon in the future (yay!) I would have went to two HBCUs by the time I graduate Howard. geeeez! What a way to climb to the top!
Part II
My Blatant Addiction
I've been reading Twilight.. Lets say since this year BEFORE the movie came out before I knew I was going to see it, but certainly not before they started producing it.... hmmm I wonder when exactly. Well anyways, I'm on the fourth book.
I don't want to force you to read the book but if you do like a book that is page-turning, bonds you to the book, the characters and the world they live in so much so that you wish the book was reality even with all the problems then this is the book for you.
If you want a book that IS better, dear I say than ALL Harry Potter Books then yes Twilight is for you. Trust, I was on team Harry before I actually read the book because The Harry Potter series was good as well and they satisfied me with only seven books (like thats not a lot!!! Hundreds if not thousands of pgs per book). They're like fairy tale bibles in a way. The two books together both authors are females, not trying to empower my sex in anyway but YES! I love it, how we as women can simplify life into pages to be easily understood by any hands it passes through. For me and my sister and whoever else read like us to not put the book down until finished, halfway through or a really good dent in the 800+ pages of the book. To not even know time was passing in human life but only in the book however fast or slow time seems to pass in the pages.
To captivate me to the point where when I finished book three of Twilight which ended on a note I didn't like to be in a mini depressed state until I bought and started reading the fourth and final book. To the point where I read the third book of Harry Potter OVER to understand the fourth one. To the point where I bribed my sister into telling me key points no matter how it fastforwarded the story because my throat was stuck, heart beating right out of my chest and my emotions taking over like a bad wave to a broken boat.
Though I wasn't the type to get read books when I was little in bed, I wouldn't mind reading books to my children (ew way to far) but for real, I am determined to write a book as addictive, heart pounding and tenaciously breath-taking as the ones I have come across in my lifetime. I still remember such books as Bad Monkey by Matt Ruff, Catalyst by Laurie Halse Anderson and even Sex, Murder and a Double Latte by Kyra Davis which my mom undecided about because of the title.
It's rather funny when I could have went in the direction of Jerome Dickey and onlyyyy Black Expression Books, I instead ventured off into the book section that was way too big for me. No pictures here or pages torn out and no more food and other questionable mysterious imprints on these pages! Just all book! I do sort of miss library books though, St. Albans Library, Queens Library the one in Elmont off Merrick Blvd, the smell of used books!!!! Aw Queens!
But back on subject. =) Because I choose the route of abnormal books or just books people wouldn't always pick up, I got the book that a year later became best selling book of the year, the gold retriever that wasn't all the way out the box yet, the treasures in the midst of trash and I was determined to be as intriguing as the minds who developed those books. ___________________ by Nicole Ayilola
With by bio on the slip of my harder cover book adorned by awards and appraisal by the New York Times and everyone else!
I will one day...
live__gold
Not today ugh! He told me he is currently talking to someone...Take back the ugh, so my feelings aren't entirely put out there. Im absolutely happy, that he's happy. While texting my response back to him however, a pit grew in my stomach and I soooo wasn't feeling the text anymore. I hate those love stories (trust me not hinting at anything like that) but when they blow something off as if it doesn't hurt them and the person goes on with their life. Only if they would have told them how much they meant to them and just let them in on a portion of their feelings things would have worked out differently.
Not saying that anyone would change and I'm not currently or at all for that matter become the love of his life but feelings this way.. Is that a true friend to be sort of unrealistically happy yet cautioned and very surpised so that what I really want to say is sort of frosted over? If that made ANY sense I hope you know where I'm coming from now. I'm a REALIST, I stay positive throughout the day but prepare myself for the worst which so far has never happened. This incident hit close to home and I'm wondering.. why is my throat dry? I feel like I have to swallow a tennis ball deep in my chest and my eyes are watering and burning like cutting onions. I'm not going to cry.... oh! There you go.. just had to blink. I forget sometimes.. JOKE! Well since that situation won't resolve itself I can only depend on life's time, practice and effort and realize how many people in the world I haven't met yet that are compatible, will hurt me and ultimately make me stronger. Especially since again in two years I plan on attending Howard and then graduate school (which preferably is not a HBCU) Wait!!! Before you judge. lol I just need diversity I liked that about VOX (the teen newspaper I wrote for), I LOVE that about the world and it is my main reason for begging my mom to let me travel soon in the future (yay!) I would have went to two HBCUs by the time I graduate Howard. geeeez! What a way to climb to the top!
Part II
My Blatant Addiction
I've been reading Twilight.. Lets say since this year BEFORE the movie came out before I knew I was going to see it, but certainly not before they started producing it.... hmmm I wonder when exactly. Well anyways, I'm on the fourth book.
I don't want to force you to read the book but if you do like a book that is page-turning, bonds you to the book, the characters and the world they live in so much so that you wish the book was reality even with all the problems then this is the book for you.
If you want a book that IS better, dear I say than ALL Harry Potter Books then yes Twilight is for you. Trust, I was on team Harry before I actually read the book because The Harry Potter series was good as well and they satisfied me with only seven books (like thats not a lot!!! Hundreds if not thousands of pgs per book). They're like fairy tale bibles in a way. The two books together both authors are females, not trying to empower my sex in anyway but YES! I love it, how we as women can simplify life into pages to be easily understood by any hands it passes through. For me and my sister and whoever else read like us to not put the book down until finished, halfway through or a really good dent in the 800+ pages of the book. To not even know time was passing in human life but only in the book however fast or slow time seems to pass in the pages.
To captivate me to the point where when I finished book three of Twilight which ended on a note I didn't like to be in a mini depressed state until I bought and started reading the fourth and final book. To the point where I read the third book of Harry Potter OVER to understand the fourth one. To the point where I bribed my sister into telling me key points no matter how it fastforwarded the story because my throat was stuck, heart beating right out of my chest and my emotions taking over like a bad wave to a broken boat.
Though I wasn't the type to get read books when I was little in bed, I wouldn't mind reading books to my children (ew way to far) but for real, I am determined to write a book as addictive, heart pounding and tenaciously breath-taking as the ones I have come across in my lifetime. I still remember such books as Bad Monkey by Matt Ruff, Catalyst by Laurie Halse Anderson and even Sex, Murder and a Double Latte by Kyra Davis which my mom undecided about because of the title.
It's rather funny when I could have went in the direction of Jerome Dickey and onlyyyy Black Expression Books, I instead ventured off into the book section that was way too big for me. No pictures here or pages torn out and no more food and other questionable mysterious imprints on these pages! Just all book! I do sort of miss library books though, St. Albans Library, Queens Library the one in Elmont off Merrick Blvd, the smell of used books!!!! Aw Queens!
But back on subject. =) Because I choose the route of abnormal books or just books people wouldn't always pick up, I got the book that a year later became best selling book of the year, the gold retriever that wasn't all the way out the box yet, the treasures in the midst of trash and I was determined to be as intriguing as the minds who developed those books. ___________________ by Nicole Ayilola
With by bio on the slip of my harder cover book adorned by awards and appraisal by the New York Times and everyone else!
I will one day...
live__gold
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