an O C T O B E R lift

I have had my ups and downs
Ins and outs
October leaves I have been turned over and over
and blown every which way
For when I was trully up I looked down instead of opening my arms
I believe God wants me to be in a happy place.
As I sit here listening to the oldie "This will be"
I can't find one thing that is wrong with my life
The cool sunset warming my beating melody
The gentle thrash of the wind threatening to grow with each passing second
Just challenges to
over come
Now every mountain prepares me for the next one
Every pissed off Black lady or manipulative white dude
Prepares me for the real sharks of the world

I learned my skin needed to be thicker yesterday...
I know it will be hard, hopefully not to the point where I cry but Im ready
Before the glow of my heart yeilds thin to societies call I stand on my own
The last tree to overturn leaves
Bark still ripe with liquid air and leaves still filled with plunder, experience and serenity.

Not the insensitive Black woman but a courageous ball of fire that knows where she stands.
Me
Growing
Thinking
Acknowledging and
Reaping the repercussions of my actions
Taking each day for its own

nik_gold

SepSeptemberber

I don't walk alone on campus much. That'll change, I realized Im in college and I'd rather have people think I'm older than younger. I'm in college and wanted to take pix of my many outfits but realized I have nooooo time, NO time. I'm in college and realized I'm on my own. Noone will look out for me, even though the school is small noone is going to say, "Hey where is Nicole?"

I can stop being so damn friendly to people, Orientation week is over. My morning texts will still vibrate through people's phone in the morning just for the fact that it centers me too. Im gonna stop hanging out with the same people, they're cool and be my sisters for the rest of the year because theyre so damn cool but I got to open my circle more or I'll die, yes even to boys. Im srry but doing this radio thing I need to make way more male friends then the ones I think are gay but can't completely dress so I'm utterly confused on their sexually preference...

On the topic on sexes...

Even though I may think people can see through my facade of being very self concious I'll have to get over that because time is money and I've wasted the past 3 weeks being Nicole instead of Nik_gold. Nik_gold is going to conquer this campus. Small little Claflina and I thought I could make it to Howard, thank the Lord Jesus I differed that acceptance. Im about to hulu Wendy Williams and Chelsea Handler, take a double dosage of my happy pills wish I had some to chase it down ( I kid) maybe not but who cares! I do. I haven't been to a party since I've been here. Everyone else has had an outlet and Im preparing byself to stay in SC for labor day... UGH! But maybe not.. there are some concerts going on, and you all know Id rather over dress then under.

Im also going to be more confident, that includes the traveling on my own because I guess people are scared, defensive of some people I walk with, w.e just expand my friend circle or whatever, but Ill be strong if their 3 wk friendship falls through. Example A: I met this tour guide in May when I initionally came and dont get the thought in your mind he is worth a blog he is just an example at how loose my networking skills are I cant be nice Nikki all the time I gotta sink my teeth into some people and let them know... Cause aparently they don't be knowing. (ew) lol

Forreal thoe!

Now tomorrow I got to get my ish in order I cant be walking around campus like Madonna without a head or Angela Jolie without a cause!!!

First Step: Deep, hot soothing shower... in the community shower providing by Claflin of course. =)


Live_gold

Big Girl

Wanting a car and job by the time i graduate.
Wanting a bf to ALWAYS call hubby know everything about and say baby
Be able to shop whenever do whats necessary to make me and the ones directly around me happy with no consequences.

Baby.
Baby??
I used to despise that word yupp i despise it once again.

Mommy used to tell me only the devil needs to get that close.. or something like that
1. When is it ever time to quote my mom.
2. When is it safe to say I hate being ignorant and though knowing everything in the world would ultimately kill me I REALLY WANT TO KNOW.
3. I effin hate surprises like dead ass I HATE THEM.
4 Im probably not going to keep in touch with these folks in school, well after tonight idk who I will keep in touch with .. probably the principal.. he is always full of quotes.
5 Im about to be real sarcastic and to myself again.. God I thought I passed that stage in life ... i guess freakin not.
6. Im about to do WHATEVER i want, everyone else does without caring if it hurts others.
7. just LISTEN to your mom whoever has your best interest at heart but then again you dont really know your in a ditch until you look up.


I need God, yeah like the more I search for him the cloudier the road gets, the road to him gets more and more slippery by the second. There is always an excuse for failing but success has no excuses.

No more playing with this big girl stuff if you dont know what it is RUN!!

lol little scaredy cat.



-peace_gold

Fast

lets make this short cause moms coming home.
i miss textin ... my friend
school is tomorrow
i need to focus
and start reading my bible yet AGAIN
(when i neglected my phone i neglected my bible)


umm some picss

my friend is leaving 15th and left my house yesterday =(
** came out the womb myself so i can survive on my own** =/



me, bestie, dates hand =/.. her date is somewhere..

school n stuff,


why would they have the first day of school and senior pictures on the same day??????????
can anyone say ride??

pray for me*

fastinggg. cul8r. lol