Personal X Smile X Progress

Stay safe X I love you!

These past couple of months have taught me a lot about myself than ever before.

 Seeing myself recover from obstacles and use them as stepping stones. Catching myself becoming content and immediately turning the fire up based on my goals and knowing anything you WANT you can ascertain. 

Now comes the productive winter for a rewarding summer. Staying busy progressive because I promised someone very special to me and to myself I'll be in a different place by next summer. Just wait on it! Aimed with a 2nd job, a great support system and a mind full of ideas and plans everyday I wake up with a better view of life.

***Instead of writing a list of what's wrong with life focus on the good and live life like it's golden because it certainly isn't promised.***

Take a moment out to read a poem I wrote today.

The twist

Vibrating lesions toss my body one way then another

The beauty of authenticity bares my soul willingly

While tender fascinating kisses are planted where deep bruises once laid

Warm tears of patience and appreciation trickle down my left cheek effortlessly

Never has a care burn so deep and shine so bright

Blinded by the dedication and passion

I tilt my crown to the sun and praise the mountains and valleys of the earth

My pounding rigorous breathe escapes in whispers of wonder

And finally, I own the white engrossing mist of consciousness

At first I was like Eh....

Amber with Wiz?

I haven't even blogged the full detail of my opinion 

I'm glad I didn't

As they say knowledge is power.

Check out this interview*< with Amber ...

Now it's AWWW!

How I was feeling today, no real place in MY life per say,

but felt like putting it out into the air.

I always have something to say.

but two things constantly escape me.

Energy + Time

Could have worked the other morning. 

Burrrr.

My mommy told me friends come and go.

Like seasons, they all have their reasons

I don't believe people fake to show

Hurt you at the belt but not an inch below

Feeling restrained

From the strange predicaments 

But just last week we where piled up in the thickest room with no cool air vents

Now it seems like the only thing thick is this trifling air 

when we appear 

but no one crosses the street to say hello

No one dares

Now fighting to hold on to friendship seems worthless and fake

instead everyone should be "real"

and give the REAL friends the break

Its often hard to mask the softness I want to keep with me all my years

But when friendship can be denied to easily,

Is it even worth my tears???

Okay. 

Let's get this straight. This is my hood verified card. Yupp I said it.

The "blond" girl, the funny, cool "it's whatever" chick you may see from time to time.

I may dress like this and may have come into an attitude that's becoming of what I want to do in life. But please believe I am not from a "privileged" background. Far from it. 

 I'm on loans and scholarships like everyone else in college and was contemplating community just for the sack of the $$$ honey... and though i didn't grow up behind a dumpster, that neighborhood everyone was scarred of was in my backyard, and yeah I've ducked for bullets before and seen some grimey business before my eyes. 

So before you assume I can't run in these 5-inch pumps and I've never been through "it". Look into my eyes and see what I've seen. Walk through my neighborhood back in New York.

Go through the things a 11 year old latch key kid in new York went through.

And no I wasn't on welfare, living in section 8, but nowadays who's really that far from it??

Just know that if you're in that place where left overs are the regular and you can't have any company cause you dont have any heat or hot water, you can still make it somewhere in life. The unmotivated ones are the ones content in where they are and that was just NEVER me. Eating over at friends house cause you knew that was your last meal for the night and sales/clearance was the ONLY clothing you bought and rarely, no pets, no security systems and a car with a 1/4 tank of gas ALWAYS... say what?? BUS. And I'm not content yet, still moving on up with no one thing or venue to stop me,

Oh Yes, It's 2010 and this is 

Nik_gold signing out

"Who gon' check me?"

Just having a friendly FB convo with this guy...

 

and he gave me a lil surprise... a real answer to a simple question:

"everything lol
lets start with what inspires you =]"

"im inspired by where im from.

my family.
i believe everyone has something to
say.
i just want my word out.
my perspective.
im inspired by reality.
im attracted to real.
real people.
real feelings.
real life.
i never wanna go commercial and have this video
with stunt money everywhere.
our vision, WIYF, is just to live comfortably
and for the people that struggled for us to be able to live the
same way.
no leers or big body half a million dollar cars.
just a nice condo. reliable whip. and some second hand money.
at the end of the day i wanna look my mom in the face
and say "Look mama, no hands"

 To say the least, I was not expecting any of this. Just a short "Life" or something that would potentially end the convo. But what a pleasant surprise! And an honest one at that.

His group...

So no.. he is not on my blog because he didn't bore me to death, his style is pretty Fresh and I can't smell his breath, but because his music is actually really good, his vibe is great and its always a pleasant life surprise to stumble across something worth stumbling across.

That catches your eye and seems to alter your view on life a bit.

Do we all want to be RICH?

Or live comfortably as well as the people around us and be able to buy what we want without the extended price tag of excessive luxury.

Mo' Money Mo' Problems

Yes, I would love to buy everything and anything I want, but my goal is to become SUCCESSFUL, stay HAPPY and never be CONTENT.

Going Au Natural

Not only have I thought about this for a duration but I’ve considered every action and reaction.

Quite frankly, why not?

I’ve done everything… not anything to my hair. But the usual, weave, braids, perm, press etc. Why not, live in the state my hair is naturally in? To be honest I will be blow drying and the usual flat iron for maintainability. But stepping away from the creamy crack many of us African American women have gotten to know as relaxer.

Referred to as “relaxer”,  because it literally relaxes our natural “s” or “z” curled hair. Putting less chemical to the hair will not only strengthen but lengthen it. I for one cannot wait to see the transition. Waiting for the day when my hair is 50/50 relaxed than 100% natural so I can wet it moisturize and wear a full out afro!

With my tattoos in full glory =]

Until then were going to transition it using natural oils,

Castor Oil

Olive Oil

African Herbal Body/Hair Oil

Leave in Conditioners

Deep Conditioners

*Diet, Water/Protein

*Routine, wash once a week or once every two weeks [dirty scalps do not grow so more moisturizing to the hair, leaving the scalp breathable], always deep conditioned!

Also Mane and Tail* products leave my hair light and moisturized, just bought their heat protector yesterday which promises a strengthening and lengthening of the hair I am to say the least, excited !!!

[Curbing my enthusiasm]

I am also humbling myself and strengthening myself from the urge to throw some weave (16”) in that bad boy and call it a day.

And yes, I researched this stuff because I will NOT be looking like an unnamed professor @ my University who stays away from a hairdresser, perm and comb (?)

Nik_gold is officially taking it day by day with her hair, less heat and chemicals out and more nutrients, naturals and care in.

Officially, Going to be Puff ball head  =]

live_gold

Two Bee Reel

So I was asked today to be real...
I thought I was being real...
I have always considered myself to be a real person with real thoughts to be displayed in a civil yet realistic way though I do hesitate when knowing the answer will hurt.

Who wouldn't? Im a human being, yeah one with faults and all.
A human being that questions herself, her questioning herself and why she is the way she is which is a deeper version of one questioning herself.

I am trying to get hardened by the world but not to the point where people are like "what a bitch".
I just hate being hurt.
Yes I've been hurt before and if I choose to move forward with anyone I need to re-step... my steps.

If possible of course. I am
Human,
I do human things and think human thoughts.

I know Im weird but thats just the way I was raised right? Am I a special case? <<< me questioning myself is not a road you want to travel.

I have been crazy busy and that is why I have faltered in my othe to blog everyday but Ill try to keep up. I'm getting tired of uploading everyones pictures on FB too! Aren't they tired of people tracking them? Don't they want to fall of the face off the Earth and see who will follow??

Or thats just a me
thing.

I realized in my posts (reading back which I hate to do because I slightly embarrass myself) that I used to write a lot of poetry not so much on this site but the little posts stem from long pages thousands of texts and convos and random little thoughts. And then
Bloop!
A random poem on a random page with a random a-title.

Don't you love it?
You would if it were you're baby.. which has me tripping.
But then again I am a Pisces.
Being
Real