S P I T F I R E

My energy drinks mimic me, I stay up hard at night
Thoughts running in and out but like my paranoid mind never growing tired
and my feelings grow calluses near the edges but the nicest comment could do fatal damage
And I watch time fly by without my carpet to fly along side it
My tears cried out so now I just sob with the restless
Mind tossing around, never settling so it could cover in the ratchet sheet of my scapegoat
Wondering slut of a mind passion and fruitful delay, I feel absorbed by my paranoid state of mind
I know it's dangerous acting without thinking but its freeing
My thighs burn with the incense of another winner
True, genuine and honest
even if the truth slaps me repeatedly in the face
Heart racing destiny pulling my eyes shut on the fact that this is it
Razor sharp ink strewn across my bloodied worries
The it withstanding a second round
anticipated yet i surrender too stuck on what other people would do I miss it
Ball between my legs I tumble and fall
Syllables fly out of my mouth but the anger does not tumble out after it
Im stuck with dirt intwined with my hair and emotions
Lost in the whirlwind of maturity and reconstructed by the mirror image of perfection.
Slowly combing out the dusty failures of mediocrity and brushing back the flaws of defective genes
I open my heart and grab a spare ball-point pen
Ready to think less and spit more fire.

one*

alrightyy.... soo umM first posts are usually nothing right?
idk
like how many of these thingies am i gonna do??
I definetly [def] odeee bit off of sameYeam on this one. [http://samwisetheeeebrave.blogspot.com/]
I have so many journals etc online, in books its ridiculous. smh

anyway,
"how was my day?" you ask.
ughh im startin to hate that question because everytime someone asks me i figured out noone really wants to know how your day was.
fine
and okay.. is like the regular and i guess in this case people want that.
Im just blubbering[?]...... lol because like im madd bored
its friday.
this girl keeps hitting me up tryna go to the movies knowing my mom wont let me drive
im waitin for somone important to hit me up
im bored.. yet again
damn
this is EXACTLY how people get in trouble.

listening to "le Disko" by SHiny TOy GUns.
thinking about love and when ima fall into a deep muddy passionate hole of one.*
liking the way number one* looks.
trying not to think about the amount of clothes i want for my birthday
waiting for my birthday to come around the corner finally, feels like i havent had it in years... been waitin for that day to say "im 16"
now thinkng about a sweet 16
lol



kk lets get to the nittiegrittie.
lol
ive just figured out that everytime i start to like/love [w/e!] someone i just get this feeling its not gonna work out and give up [trauma in my past, smh]
then i get bored or w/e and try to move on.
puttin myelf in this bullshyt {<

like sometimes i felt like my eyes have been opened to the world [in ny] and not even all the way yet just enough to see theres more out there and then held captive where people are tryna turn my views away from my goals and plans in life. Tryna reshape my life for theirs n shyt
secludng me n shyt
eluding me n shyt.
'i feel so blinded but yet openminded n shyt.

So on to future aspirations now... uMm idk
i wanna be a
journalist..... i think
a designner
[OMFG IF SHE HITS ME UP ONE MORE TIME]
the people that pick the fashions to put in stores.
a public rep person for major companies.
i wanna travel the world dont stay anywhere for more than 2 years cause the worlds ending and i wanna see the last of it....... [waahhht? im telling the truth, geez]
i dont noe if i wanna bring any kids into this cruel cruel world i guess i gotta see if im happy wiith myself first. =/
i wanna transform as a person inside n out,and always stay positive even when buildings are crashing on me[ ahh flashback 9/11, godforbid]
i want to be able to still dance [like in a community company or w/e] and dance in clubs also. lol
but i dont want to be one* of those old people tryin desperately to get their youth back.
thats one thing you DONT have to worry about. ill age with grace, more like my momz [horny asz lol jk]

Ughh mayb my next post will be less about myself yo. lol





But just a ques to leave off on....
If you could ensure that your children never have one experience that you have had, what would it be?