Imposter; this isn't me!

I catch my self in the same repeat circles that are no doubt foreign to my character
being bored beyond measure with no help in sight
clinging to lifes boie like there is no tomorrow
and taking in the stabbing edges the salt waters reminder

I catch my self making moves too dangerous to self
constantly pricking myself with the threaded needle of life
dumbing myself down for the crowd I'm around
and when I'm happiest no one can supply I'm still paranoid

Instead of aborting and transitioning with the ship I'm on
I tend to keep sentimental items with me
helping me to fail even drowning my self while the once precious items are cast aways at sea
I see myself falling

I try and hold my chest together
the feeling two beats away from a volcanic explosion
short suttle breaths that tends to never fill up even a quarter of my lungs
that's when the tireless undeniable tears come, a friendly reminder that I'm human and worse I'm a girl, no matter how hard I fight them, feelings live, eat and breath with me.

I'm not heartless, I tend to be immune to bs, ignorant love and hesitant friends
I tend to not give a fuck but I'm working on that
because in some cases it's good to care.
Tender-heartedly, not this one

I fold my eyelids in half, closing out the liquid falicies that make me weak
the red inked sinking motion only tends to grasp the falling emotion in which I've cleverly become so good at
I'm tired of being the one adapting to changes
breathlessly decorated like a rag doll displayed limply in the rachet waves

The next dive I take will be led by me
pulling and pushing through it all to let a voice be heard that is rather easily provoked
the obnoxious and pusher youngin I once was full of sarcasm and play will forever hold a spot in my heart, for being true

Big Girl

Wanting a car and job by the time i graduate.
Wanting a bf to ALWAYS call hubby know everything about and say baby
Be able to shop whenever do whats necessary to make me and the ones directly around me happy with no consequences.

Baby.
Baby??
I used to despise that word yupp i despise it once again.

Mommy used to tell me only the devil needs to get that close.. or something like that
1. When is it ever time to quote my mom.
2. When is it safe to say I hate being ignorant and though knowing everything in the world would ultimately kill me I REALLY WANT TO KNOW.
3. I effin hate surprises like dead ass I HATE THEM.
4 Im probably not going to keep in touch with these folks in school, well after tonight idk who I will keep in touch with .. probably the principal.. he is always full of quotes.
5 Im about to be real sarcastic and to myself again.. God I thought I passed that stage in life ... i guess freakin not.
6. Im about to do WHATEVER i want, everyone else does without caring if it hurts others.
7. just LISTEN to your mom whoever has your best interest at heart but then again you dont really know your in a ditch until you look up.


I need God, yeah like the more I search for him the cloudier the road gets, the road to him gets more and more slippery by the second. There is always an excuse for failing but success has no excuses.

No more playing with this big girl stuff if you dont know what it is RUN!!

lol little scaredy cat.



-peace_gold