Showing posts with label worthless. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worthless. Show all posts

26.10.10

This may not be the sweetest post to anyways tongue.

But it quite frankly needs to be put out of my system, my aura, my space.
It's ruining my mood and my developing outlook on the world.

I was "Chilling" yesterday.
Normal day in Orangeburg,
Dreary, depressing and redundant.
But I make the best... sometimes, by chilling.
Chilling which could be a number of things but right now I'm not getting specific 
cause chilling was never the problem.

However the person I choose to chill with yesterday stirred a lot up in me.
I am not one to shy away from arguments especially
when I am heavily connected to the topic, but chill buddy yesterday crossed, drew and ran right threw the line.

Things I hold close to me are what anyone else would hold close to theirs.
Plus this here blog. 
Having it for some years, it is my buddy ol pal.
My closest buddy I can voice my opinions and know they will be heard.

What I post is real, authentic and at times embarrassing but 
it's my way to voice myself and I wouldnt change it for the world
 I don't keep an in depth journal and tis why I
don't get so personal on this here blog.
I mean this is still the internet.
Business EVERY WHICH WAY.

....

But I digress.
Chill buddy yesterday 
basically asked me being who I am, what I talked about on my blog.
That not being such a problem though, chill buddy has been in my life for more than a year,
knowing about my blog and visiting should have came hand in hand,
But however, I gave that one away.

Maybe he (yes he), is not the blog, computer or even internet type.
The closest he may get to the internet is the keyboard on his phone.
-_- maybe.
So I elaborated a little about what my blog was about...
Wasn't even finished my God damned sentence when..
YEAH
"Who are you, though? To right this stuff, like who is nik_gold? Am I a source to care?"
came slurring out of his mouth.
Now I know he may not be the only one to have that question, 
nik_gold?
blogger?
what's that?
But the way you undermine someone for their worth and
meaning limits them as a 
person, and what they could someday be...
Plus, blogging is freeeeeeeee, internet is unlimited and 
what I do with my site is everything and ANYTHING for me.
It's my Myspace reloaded, Facebook 7.0, TwitterPLUS,
It's my open end to a closed fist and anyone with a problem can just not read,
go read necole Bitchie or something and have a nice day.


Now I don't know who my readers surround themselves with but
someone who is willing to down something or someone before they fully understand
anything and you chill with them, and theyre arent giving you advice.
PUHLEASE
I think less of them than all the racist, timids, morbids, close minded, individuals in the world
especially since I was chilling with you in redundant, depressing Orangeburg trying to make the best of it.

Spit.

Your belief that one person can mean nothing makes YOU less than anything.



27.5.08

meaningless..

i was sitting on my bed one day. Rudely awoken my my mom probably for something dumb and unreasonable, but when i was sitting there all these thoughts rammed them selfs into my head as big as it is. =]

And i got a headache.

But thats besides the point, I faced my mirror (which is adjacent) to my bed and asked myself, what have i done with my life? No seriously, I know what i haven't done, no kids, sex, drugs, gangs (lol me in a gang?? ) bad grades or w.e. But what have i done to leave my mark on the world, When I'm gone what will change? What will stay the same? Am I truly meaningless? Sure, some tears will fall but don't we have the same reaction when our favorite show ends or our pet dies? How do we truly measure our worth as a human being and more importantly what steps could I take that are efficient in striving to make a difference in this brutally-honest world...

Yeah that headache lasted for a minute..

But throughout the duration of the day I wondered would I be doing community service other than credits and would I have enough energy to change the world or more importantly the community i live in. If it was that easy wouldn't it have been done before, wouldn't i have heard of people who tried? Or is EVERYONE lazy, idle and uncaring??
What could I contribute?
My sarcastic remarks?
Ignorant and childish rants of insanity and neediness...
Do people really need to hear another teenage story to complicate and explain their lifes?


Well after hours of pondering and weighing the pros and cons of my existence
Ive decided I'm here for a reason only God knows and not me.. for a reason you see
For the lives we change if we knew the path we were to take would be much less than if we had no idea where to go
like blind mice in a cage, how much of a difference would we make, where would we travel and how many lives would we influence?
We wouldn't know until we threw on our kick em boots strap on our work belt and hit the road.
isn't it...
Life is like a box of chocolates.. You never know what your going to get?
Well yeah that sums up my rude awakening.