Addicted.

Umm yea this was in my head.. so here it goes. :

Burning letters
captivate his rhythmic genes
his sculptic eyes
crease with the inept capability of humor.
His knees ran crooked
his heart bleed guilty doves.

-nik.



lol but anyway like my kicks bill is 699..... whos paying that?
smh aim wont be seeing me for a while. Idk im not even into sidekicks anymore.. its too big now. I really want to use my sis blackberry pearl. You noe the one she gave me months ago but i didnt want to use cause i was still stuck on the sidekick phase? smh it makes me sick. lol i am sick. i didn't even go to school today. Thanks to my lovely friend Ros Thanks! lol. Its funny cause i cant send texts but hellakids textin me, where are you, and i would have never known they cared.

And fashion show is today too but they can kick rocks cause i want to do it but they cant threaten the 20 models out of 100 that dont come anymore to show up or be cut. My health is way more important than being ghetto fab for one of there over-critizied under dramatical, cheap ass fashion show scene.

I have a question. This one is rather personal because its been going on for 20 years and probably only mom dad and my sis (blackberry pearl) knows. How do you love and hate someone at the same time? Like my mom paid for my dad twice to come down here and... do nothing well..... lol as far as im concerned. and complained more than half the time. The when i ask to go to Ny for w/e a weekend or such she dosent respond. Not even to scare anyone or myself but me and dad asked if im still coming in may and she got deadly silent. Like wth is that?? We were dropping my father off at the airport last night, ( and this will forever be in my mind, cause i was coughing up blood and watering tears and sniffling the whole time) and shes by his side the whole time, like a kid in the candy store. I mean it really has been 20 years and she got her first piece of jewelry from him 2 days ago. She complained the whole time we were at the airport when she wasnt joined at the hip with him and said.. and i quote " were like were leaving at 8:30",, and we didn't cause i suffered 30 more mins and she waited for him to get through scanning, watched him get searched or w/e ran thru security to put oil on him (thats cool, i guess) slobbered down for 5 min like teenagers in heat and looked back every 5 sec, and then i layed on the floor (mind you i still looked up to par in dress but i was tired as hell) Like i felt so uncared for and neglected.... Then she had the nerve to talk about him the whole way home,, and got lost in the process. ( i just plugged the ipod in and drifted in and out of sleep)


.... kk.. mayb that was a lil too personal but now you noe where im coming from... sigh*
Is my mom addicted?

the funny thing is i didnt noe i could answer calls when your bill was 700 i mean they did kick me off of everything else including aim. So i got like 20 calls and returned one of them.... the rest will figure it out i guess... smh This is definetly not a happy post. Mayb im justt addicted to solemn words that are enduring enuff to get me through the day? (like that huh?) lmbo.

pink fridays.

Yea, well its kinda funny cause i got my nails done that day and right after i took this pic i broke my nail coming down the stairs. lol
Well today was weird theres this thing i have when theres like blank spaces in my convos or even texts ill just type "lol" so beware. lol.... smh! its a freakin disease.
Today was so crazy like i really odee violated on this boy that supposedly likes me. lol and after i made him double over in agony.... he still walked me to class. which is weird cause if i was him i wuda puunched me in the boobs or something. i mean reflexes man. But thank god for boys who dont hit back. id be fighting everyday.

I was on the phone talking about the same situation which is the exact reason why i made a lovely pause when answering. lol (lovely?)
I mean if boys think they are soO much stronger than girls then they shudnt hit them. and if girls think they can beat a boy up (or noe this for A FACT,, like mwah) then more power to ya... right?
Im here jammin to shiny toy guns and watchin "john Q" and debating if i should go to the party. lol
If like everyone had powers that were equal in strength then the idea of me beating someone up wudnt b so violent right?
But face it ima lover notta fighter. ive never been ina fight in my life.
i could flirt to save my life and all of my cats, lol

But on a reality not maybe im not as hot as i think i am........
smh
i knowww wheres the self confidence etc.
but like all my guy friends or half of them,, and mayb the other half just wanna tell me,
they think my friend particulary*..(whoa) Beastie, party buddy, best friend atl edition is hot.
to make it short, shes my height, 5'6
lightskinned....
thick bottom (whats the other way to say it? lol)
and everything is pretty much like me... soO ummmm.
lol
like im always praising people like i love when people are self assured of themselves like even if i could pick out a few obvious flaws myself. so in response,, like what would i think of my confidence?
or myself for that matter?
i def cant change anything,,all the ambi (i heard rihanna used it odee when younger) and collard greens cant change who i am and will always be..soo y cant i be happy with my apperaance like eveyrone else is??
Ughh probably this dufus that should not be named cause hes a nin-cum-poop and retard and immature brat but def needs to lay off with the dark jokes. cause hes deeeefffffffff crispy i mean midnite.. like black coffee bean with NO cream.. just BLACK. and i see nothing wrong with this cause his skin complexion and defintion and all that shyt is tuff. cud you say whipped.??
and i really dont wanna pop his bubble cause he def wrote me a letter the other day... so y the nonsense?
is it enough i could be called pretty, sexy, different and not feeel it
then be called black and feel all of it??
like damn...... (rsmh!)
is BLACK REALLY ALL THAT BAD?
i really meant i wish black was royalty and light wasnt in my last post. its time for a change.. we gotta realize white just isnt right.
or mayb i just need to ... realizee.

fairyland.

kk ill be the first to tell you.
ima dreamer
thas basically all i do.
i get carried away sometimes with the traveling the world with lots of money, connections and lovers idk
its been crazy this week more sleepin then dreaming these nights thoe.
sleepin to me just seems so manual like breathing or brushing my teeth,
but dreaming.....
dreaming is like another world. where everything is your way and nothing is not.
the sun shines 12/7 and everyone is always on your side.
money and love is everywhere and flows like air only to b used by the needy. but money is just paper we wipe our butts with 100 dollar bills... so in away we never run out of toilet paper...
materialistic objects dont exist, everyone smiles and says "goodmorning" etc
when its night time,, like every night. noone needs a jacket and everyone wears their best (or in this case wear themselves) cause theres alwaaaysss a party and then movies at someone house then a sleepover where noone sleeps (take it how you wanna.. =P)
we have dance wars and everyone dresses like there in the 80's or like John Travolta... lmao yes and grease too,, even when we go to church.
theres only one church that everyone goes to meaning one paster and few bishops etc etc..
just so when you go to church you can stay there the whole day.. or weekend and not complain cause your seeing faces you havent ina while.
Also distance doesnt make the heart grow fonder we just do over time ((dang i hate that nonsense))..
theres unity like in the 70'z and peace and soul wherever you go.
i wudnt say smile... cause thats just corny and def not in my dreams either.

theres no cults
everlasting water and fruits and veggies! that everyone eats noones is anorexic everyone loves their shape and everyone else agrees.
everyone is selfassured and Project runway, csi miami and avatar play all day long.
cable and everything that comes with it show all day long for free. and there are an everlasting flow of movies, dr. pepper orange n grape soda and candy... Theres no acne everyone takes bool.. movements like clockwork ( did i really have to say that??) lol.
Everyone has a job they like and actually want to do and there are no bills or taxes etc.
there are still black white etc but instead the longer you stay in the sun (or can stay in the sun) you are admired cause everyone loves the sun (right??)
theres no myspace facebbok, xanga,myhood, etc.. none of that cause everyone meets in person or doesnt meet at all. You can travel from one side of the world in under an hour depending on how much you wanted to.
The people you liked liked you (i.e loved) and that was that. i mean theres people you like but lovers are lovers and theres only one out there for you (which is a good thing that we can travel under and hr)
there is no aids stds herpes, heat rabbies, rashes, discoloration, irritation
lol
were all smooth like baby bottoms and beautiful too each other.
we make up shows, there are no reality shows (meaning noone has 15 minutes of fame,, no srry no of that) only shows we use with out observant creative minds, act out, record and show for entertainment. there is no test or hw. we are all naturally intelligent and intuitive.
We type/write as fast as we think.
theres always something to talk about.
we gather by the fire every sunday night with our extended family and let the oldest of the group tell a tale... (like in africa!)
we have highways etc and the slowest you can go is 80. lol
the cheapest car is an infiniti or audi.
everyone makes music so there is an crazy amount to listen to for the rest of our life.
there are no pets all animals live free and happy.
no fake suntans or dyes, bleaches, razors, guns, nuclear weapons, global warming, aliens, fatal accidents,
but mind you life is nothing but boring.
theres no army etc unless you wanted to b a soilder for your country or anything else in that field cause there wud b noe wars..sooOo uMMmm
it snowed 3 feet every christmas and we didnt need presents to make us happy.
every place in the world is as entertaining as bk or queens and as warm as fiji, especially during the summer.. =]
everyone had a party for their bday so in a sense there is a party everyday somewhere.\
no astrologies or none of that. you either connected or you didnt.

but mayb this is why our dreams stay dreams and were stuck in this..... world
to tell the difference between the good bad and uglly.
i mean theres a reason for everything right??
i believe we all have our destiny and if mine is half day dreaming till i get there ill b happy with that,,


currently listening to - lil wayne..... and erykah badu, you got me. O=]

where theres no sky for my hopes to fly
or ground for my dreams to run along.
my tears float with the drizzle of happiness.
and my heart glows with the faint smell of childhood ambitions..

-nik

A day in the life of.

hola, another day another blog.

i was thinkin this morning what if we didnt have any hardships, problems or turmoil in oil life would we know and really comprehend what bliss and real happiness is??

like ay if i didnt ove out here. in this black desecrated forest. lmao would i really know how blessed and stressed i am? I think not. I mean im not spoiled or anything..... (i am) lmao.

okie next topic. boys or men... like ive been having so much difficulties.. and its mainly my fault cause im utterly bored much or mayb thats just the state of mind im in... but theres like no way in hell i would have done the things ive done two years ago. lol mayb i just needa hug?
But ive taking wise info from my biggieme who makes much sense and ive realized that i always seem the right thing to do but need some assurance. please dont ask me why im talkin in general. lol


but i gotta go. moms in beats mode again. =[

another day in the life......

one*

alrightyy.... soo umM first posts are usually nothing right?
idk
like how many of these thingies am i gonna do??
I definetly [def] odeee bit off of sameYeam on this one. [http://samwisetheeeebrave.blogspot.com/]
I have so many journals etc online, in books its ridiculous. smh

anyway,
"how was my day?" you ask.
ughh im startin to hate that question because everytime someone asks me i figured out noone really wants to know how your day was.
fine
and okay.. is like the regular and i guess in this case people want that.
Im just blubbering[?]...... lol because like im madd bored
its friday.
this girl keeps hitting me up tryna go to the movies knowing my mom wont let me drive
im waitin for somone important to hit me up
im bored.. yet again
damn
this is EXACTLY how people get in trouble.

listening to "le Disko" by SHiny TOy GUns.
thinking about love and when ima fall into a deep muddy passionate hole of one.*
liking the way number one* looks.
trying not to think about the amount of clothes i want for my birthday
waiting for my birthday to come around the corner finally, feels like i havent had it in years... been waitin for that day to say "im 16"
now thinkng about a sweet 16
lol



kk lets get to the nittiegrittie.
lol
ive just figured out that everytime i start to like/love [w/e!] someone i just get this feeling its not gonna work out and give up [trauma in my past, smh]
then i get bored or w/e and try to move on.
puttin myelf in this bullshyt {<

like sometimes i felt like my eyes have been opened to the world [in ny] and not even all the way yet just enough to see theres more out there and then held captive where people are tryna turn my views away from my goals and plans in life. Tryna reshape my life for theirs n shyt
secludng me n shyt
eluding me n shyt.
'i feel so blinded but yet openminded n shyt.

So on to future aspirations now... uMm idk
i wanna be a
journalist..... i think
a designner
[OMFG IF SHE HITS ME UP ONE MORE TIME]
the people that pick the fashions to put in stores.
a public rep person for major companies.
i wanna travel the world dont stay anywhere for more than 2 years cause the worlds ending and i wanna see the last of it....... [waahhht? im telling the truth, geez]
i dont noe if i wanna bring any kids into this cruel cruel world i guess i gotta see if im happy wiith myself first. =/
i wanna transform as a person inside n out,and always stay positive even when buildings are crashing on me[ ahh flashback 9/11, godforbid]
i want to be able to still dance [like in a community company or w/e] and dance in clubs also. lol
but i dont want to be one* of those old people tryin desperately to get their youth back.
thats one thing you DONT have to worry about. ill age with grace, more like my momz [horny asz lol jk]

Ughh mayb my next post will be less about myself yo. lol





But just a ques to leave off on....
If you could ensure that your children never have one experience that you have had, what would it be?