Available Symphony

okay so we all make mistakes.
we all know were making the mistake when were making it ... well half the time.

My question is
"why cant God talk to us when he doesnt want us to make the mistake?"
or maybe he does
so we know were nothing but human
or maybe im justifying my actions...

We only live right
once
and "Match Point"
has inspired me to be lucky then...
whatever the outcome
lucky is more of a 50/50 chance "like whether if the ball when it hits the net will bounce back to you or go over"

To only think I thought i was perfect.
Now im used
feel like ive been thru it all but i know thats only half.
im a tool used to make waves through this world.
for what i have no idea and i think thats the point.
How big the wave makes me ponder..
a lost doll is more attractive than one that sits in place.

My head is closed for service my fingers move on their own
based on my swinging emotions..
swinging on gorilla bars
laced with acid and razor sharp spikes
but i dont mind
my mind is not in it.
a natural high
to capture my facial expressions and replace them with strung out notes of a melodic saxophone

Why conjure up the spirit of innocence??
So it can be used to and run around until its old torn and black?
Why not just deal with what you have now.
its good for now
lol
your not crying
just tearing so its not that bad
remember what mom said , "people have it much worse"

So close your eyes
open your arms and hike up your pants
Secret
and take a shower_
you smell

//awesome REMI NICOLE

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=101582978

punkish retro pop

i gotta thing for this chick
and its NOT because she has my name lol,
maybe cause shes on AMY WINEHOUSE'S page????










whatever the case.
i like it funkyness
lol

well im on the phone
NOT going to see step brothers today but on the phone with my friend who has =/
lol
jealousy is bad!!!!!

coffeeCAKES

MAYBE IF_

if i was a little lighter id get more comments?
more attention?
breaks?

if i was scandalous id have more views?
friends?
events to go to?

if i was richer, id have more clothes?
things to do throughout the day?
no limits?



ha ha

This would change who i was inside out.. Right?
Is it really better to be lighter a reflection of man's want for a lighter (whiter) woman or the way you are and a unique one at that.

To be listened to and respected for your words, wisdom and thoughts.. however modern they are. For people to say,"Who is that girl??" and mean it for my inward-to-outward demeanor instead of an outward appearance that can easily diminish...

To be on the edge of right, slip up and be slipped into the wrong hands like a bad drug. Influence those in a wrong full manner, to be taken out of a good place in life because noone can handle you, not even yourself. Patience and an antidote is needed but noone is there to feed it..
For more money to attract the wrong things and bring the wrong crowds, by the time i blink my money is gone, along with family, friends, my relationship with God and my future,,,

I'm made this way for a reason I believe, but maybe the reason I have no idea what it is is to be blinded and make waves where waves are needed instead of going straight there and when the job is done so is my existence here...

(i hope im making sense to someone other than myself)

My life is so...
precious
different
stable
authentic
paced
and ready for me to live every second of it.

So here i am.
Upgrade my well-being.

7/27/08

well....
today was a good day =)








African fair:: new bracelet (FIRST PICTURE)

THEE WHOLEE DAY
i love embracing culture
even if it means hand-crafted leather one of a kind $275 shoulder bag with metal hoop for arm (soo delicious, yumm)


well im on the phone (oo lala) so scadadel
later_

Blackberry, my cat and a medium caramel latte*

nik_ says!!!!!

okay so finally off of the phone and away on aim so i can think!!
ughh
(hold on BOTH phones are ringing)
cool
well

These past couple of days here in Georgia have been rather boring.. but now that ive opened my mind to things i can do im open to MILLION ZILLION possibilities and ENDLESS time.
Starting with shopping and hence conquering my fashion abilities =)
Ive purchased boat shoes which i absolutely love, recommended by the infamous (Daniel) (wearing them tonight for THE DARK KNIGHT) and though im sure im the last person to watch it who CARES. lol
better late then ever.
NEXT
i also brought some pumps....



andddd OO LA lA!

some pumps they are. Ive been inspired from http://www.classicpumps.com/

and just pumps style in general.

easily paired with skirts, skinny jeans or poufy shorts im sure to have fun with them the rest of the summer into the school year. =)
***Remind me to post my sketch of poufy shorts for you, the viewers. (im sure ive solved the problem of shorts that are too short (moms) and for your flat bootied mama's) lol

Cant wait to make the first pair for myself!!!!

Topic 2.

Turban headbands or even like mine (chain) headbands are SOOOOO cool =)
http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=acc%5Fhat%5Fhairgoods&product%5Fid=1052619110&Page=2#
http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=acc%5Fhat%5Fhairgoods&product%5Fid=1052167868&Page=2

perfect for bad hair days or just regular days where you want your hair pulled back, and also a little girlier then the regular hats and berets.

HERES THE ONE I MADE =)
I used an old gold chain and elastic for the front. (the back thoe you cant see i used scraps of denim for the ends for an urban twist)*



fishy face_




soo YAYy to headbands!!

Topic 3

This summer has been... different,

Ive been to New York for a month which is definetly NOT long enough.

july 4th ^^





NEWYORK included the good the bad and down right ugly but ive grown from it and it definetly makes me the person i am today so to change something wouldnt be the same or as great of a learning experience...


Then South Carolina........

mom makes me do this pose whenever i go to the beach
its okay....LAUGH; lol


back to georgia!!!





chocolate n vanilla!!!!!

since ive been to this house (not quite HOME, and it probably will never be 10 MONTHS!!)


JAZMINE SULLIVAN_




i loooveeee the SONG, LYRICS and most recently VIDEO, just cause its so chill, normal and something i WONT get irritated by.

so congrats JAZMINE youve been added to my playlist. =)
I KNOWWW its not just me but do i hear a ALICIA KEYS??


i loveee live performances just to compare it to what these ARTIST make in the studio..


soo heres a liveeeee****



SHES 20????
wah wah
i could listen to her, Chrisette Michele and Amy Winehouse all day =)




Topic 4
my school SMH!!!!!!!

listen when the lady says "dont pull people hair lemme tell ya"
lmbooo








READ A BOOK, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.


onto greater news
i knowww im still thinkn about the school video too but it happens
(10 MONTHS****)
Just catching up:


Did you happen to see the CNN Presents: Black in America???

This is a must see people!!!!!!!!!. they should be having repeats, check youtube.com* and a feedback from well known Black overachievers TONIGHT> please watch and keep and ear out for more cultured news.




Topic 4

Reading the bible:
would it be a stress to bring it with me to read?? thats the only way i get the majority of my reading done. But however it gets done it needs to.
HAVE YOU READ YOUR BIBLE LATELY???
ITS like 'DEGRASSI' and 'DAYS OF OUR LIVES IN' ONE.
REAl life stories for us to learn from and spread to others. =)

i dont mind the task.

well im off!!!

(eyebrows, chinese food, THE DARK KNIGHT w. friends) FINALLY



have a great day
COMMENTS
and keep posted!


adventures of nik_

You never knew.

so i definetly hesitated writing this for some odd reason....

But here it goes.

My feelings and emotions are wrapped in this yarn ball write now... Maybe not as complicated because there are only a few Valid feelings.

Dumb
Sad
Anxious
Angry


lol .. Yeah so the first one [Dumb] I don't so much feel Dumb but ignorant. I want to learn so much in so little time [God, My career, relationships, people in general] and have no idea where to start... Reading the bible has only made me thirstier for the knowledge and wisdom i have yet to possess.

SAD- Not so much as leaving New York because it was time to go and like i said before i do NOT want to be greedy with what I want. Its more or less what... I left there.
Open strings, Unfinished ideas, Unplanned plans, Undefined relationships... Ill get over it. lol I have before, like starting the cycle over again EXACTLY a year from this week... i believe.
My mother actually admitted that she could have waited 2 years to make the big move which would have helped me out a lot... But thats just being selffish. I know she needed a change.. So me being who i am to her.. i guess i needed one too.

ANXIETY

[just a note.. im getting angry because im hearing the pussy.. cat and it odeeeeeeeeed stratched the heck out of my arms and hand this morning....Should i skin it or box it China Panda?]

But um anxiety, mainly because I KNOW i can make a change and already started with little projects around the house, such as making little jackets and pants for myself and enlarging the collage for my newly painted purple room. Hopefully also becoming a PR for this DJ i met [out of all places] a gas station. lol But its like...ugh you have to live in Georgia to understand so in case your not lets move on... Anxious for school to start in a couple weeks. Find out who my friends are, am i going to fall into the same pattern [please no]. HAVE TO JOIN THE YEARBOOK COMMITTEE and try out for dance ensemble again ANDDDD become tennis captain.. ANDDD maintain a 4.0 ANDDD get/maintain a job, volunteer in my career choice and scrutinize all the scholarships available for me. "Dont forget to stay in touch, Nikki" smh.... Is my friend...... going to get me this phone... and if he is will i be the same person i was when i had the sidekick last. [Lord i REALLY hope not] but just because it is the phone it is... It would be mighty convenient. Lastly from my experiences at daddy's house..am i going to bring some of those umm extracurricular activities back home with me. Hopefully with my praying and such it will be a one time kinda thing.

so
moving on.,

ANGRY- o boy am i angry. lol The last time [don't flinch] being honest i hit my mom with a tennis ball from across the tennis court.. I cant describe it in words. No way am i near crying but i would lock myself in a room and break a nail.. which yay great i did today... SOooOo off to church I go in a couple of hours to pray about the same things that I prayed about when i was 13. lol WOW. really fell of track here, havent i?

On another note. today we got new windows. Your eyes cannot feast on such a feast with grainy views. soooo i love my room with its windows that greet me with a reflection of what i put into view. =]


Plans;
Pray
Dance until my feet give out [literally]
Yoga it for a few...
Block this boy OMFreakinnnngGosh. [btw, the pics u get are the ONLY ones on myspace. I AM NOT LOLA BUNNY, neither do i take pix like her...nemore ever]
Mellow it out with thee Pod.
Snore
Church
Ignore this room until Mon NIGHT, [think i can make it????.... well efff u!.. lol nah implayin]

so im sleepy now.. and def going off topic..
But if your reading this SAVED or NOT. SOMEone loves you and he is MIGHTY.
Also like Tupac, Keep your head up.

0=]

half-way through.

incomplete neccesity...

Denying the possible. Making my self unheard, Lowering my standards. Realizing that i Can be everything i want to be or nothing at all/ Visions, stories, movies all played out in my brain's own movie theatre that dissapear when the sun greets my weary eyes. I dont know why i dream of things so realistic but only occur in my dreams, like i can make them happen because duh.. nothing is unmanegeable but my actions show differ in purpose..
Listening to that sweet voice in my head that keeps me sane, but by sane i mean questioning my motives and actions and denying the circumstances that underly in them. Walking in my own blood leaving my drunken footprints but not feeling the stab wound that punctures it and makes me weak. leak. i laugh at the thought of being discovered but not at the fact that i cover it well or what is uncovered, no but the fact at who will do it..
Who will uncover the mask that hides the heroine... or????
What more could i Be
I strive to be more open more postive and intuitive
but i get sidetracked like a strong case of ADD comes and hits me square in the head.


But i like him
ugh track of subject
he is AWESOME
=]
big screen something to look forward to and this is all he gets.

NEXT

So I havent been doing anything with my life but when i get back to the BOONDOCKS
definetly stepping my game up in the public relations department.
I have to be myself regardless right
so go all out or go home.
kk this is it for now. Hopefully I write one before i leave.

Im going to miss him,
them
and us
whatever that means

New York was fun while it lasted but 'ims' travel farther.
Will thee old flame spark again...
probably not
since the flame has moved to another burning bush.
I havent visited all my friends and i feel bad but I wouldnt be able to anyway... sooo 0=]
I move too fast and I see that now.
"Speeding only gets you ticket in the long run"
niice .

Slow down baby your moving to fast. you got your hands in the air and your feet on the gas.
I Shake my head at the thought of my former motives
Seriously focusing on God my future and career. =]
Cause those are the only things that will take me the farthest.
Thee only rhythm in my life---- my obsession with this thing called love...