Stay Positive

waiting

waiting

by the window

that shows me direction

envisioning my future and wiping

off my past

leaving faded memories and 

distant friendships dripping on the palm of my hand,

I peer out my window

Seating like no other

Feeling the fog the heat from my nose is dispersing,

Waiting for my brain freeze to fully recover.

Blank stares on the other side.

knowing they won't be along for this here ride

Feeling every inch from every mother and daughter

Oh, how they suffer.

long walks on the side of the road

So cold the heat burns 

Feeling no love

Only the Yearn

I sit back

head on the head rest

Feeling at my best

with power, liberty and the pursuit of happiness tight

to my chest.

-nik_gold

The "Struggle"

Not only was I casted in my FIRST movie called, "Struggle" and no matter how small a movie it encourages me to expand my wings and test my limits, but this week has been a constant struggle.

In between my lack of attention, remorseful load of homework they decided to disperse in college and the lack of financial funds I've been living with, I used the word struggle as my word of the week.

Getting out of bed was a struggle... but lets me real... is that new?

What has been shockingly new however are low funds, compared to the workaholic reflected checking account I had earlier this summer, my savings have surely dwindled down.

From food, to necessities to unexpected dilemnas, the zeros surrounding my money escaped and ventured off elsewhere.

My search for a job was successful, not.

Hearing the same, "We will get back to you."

"We are not hiring but expecting applications."

I felt like I was on the same financial rollercoaster as this summer before Chili's and I despised it.

My resume was right, schedule tight but the money situation was certainly not right.

I sighed, I got sadder easily when I couldn't by food out, because quite frankly food makes me happy and continued my lowly struggle not only this week but this whole month.

I let no one know however because quite frankly, no one but my mom could help.

I'm not rich but I usually have money in my pocket, a little something, something

and to tell the truth I can't even remember how I got money in my pocket before I had my job.

Now I am really appreciative of what Chili's did for me... financially that is.

Then...

A miracle happened and God bestowed upon me a blessing in disguise, my accident earlier this summer,

only to settle and to be given the power to lighten my moms crazy load and fill

up my gas tank all the way for the first time this semester.

I went to the school's library and straight-studied, organizing my mind, schedule and my

workload to better suite me and my needs

but before I run free-happily, I must realize that in order to do better, I need

to get myself financially straight to keep an income like this coming in.

Before the weight of so much was lifted just a little...

I struggled.