Hesitated before putting this up,

It's just a little  more personal then my previous post.

Should a blog really go into detail about the author's life? Yes just a little background so here is a little snippet.

-Enjoy

The "Struggle"

Not only was I casted in my FIRST movie called, "Struggle" and no matter how small a movie it encourages me to expand my wings and test my limits, but this week has been a constant struggle.

In between my lack of attention, remorseful load of homework they decided to disperse in college and the lack of financial funds I've been living with, I used the word struggle as my word of the week.

Getting out of bed was a struggle... but lets me real... is that new?

What has been shockingly new however are low funds, compared to the workaholic reflected checking account I had earlier this summer, my savings have surely dwindled down.

From food, to necessities to unexpected dilemnas, the zeros surrounding my money escaped and ventured off elsewhere.

My search for a job was successful, not.

Hearing the same, "We will get back to you."

"We are not hiring but expecting applications."

I felt like I was on the same financial rollercoaster as this summer before Chili's and I despised it.

My resume was right, schedule tight but the money situation was certainly not right.

I sighed, I got sadder easily when I couldn't by food out, because quite frankly food makes me happy and continued my lowly struggle not only this week but this whole month.

I let no one know however because quite frankly, no one but my mom could help.

I'm not rich but I usually have money in my pocket, a little something, something

and to tell the truth I can't even remember how I got money in my pocket before I had my job.

Now I am really appreciative of what Chili's did for me... financially that is.

Then...

A miracle happened and God bestowed upon me a blessing in disguise, my accident earlier this summer,

only to settle and to be given the power to lighten my moms crazy load and fill

up my gas tank all the way for the first time this semester.

I went to the school's library and straight-studied, organizing my mind, schedule and my

workload to better suite me and my needs

but before I run free-happily, I must realize that in order to do better, I need

to get myself financially straight to keep an income like this coming in.

Before the weight of so much was lifted just a little...

I struggled.

First Block Episode

I can honestly say this month has been.. well rather different. Actually having to be in it to experience how it is. Eleven points for eleven days of random fasting (meaning just forget the internet but Im eating what I shouldnt!!)
1. Not voted best dressed. ( But clearly am, smh at Stephenson and the lames that attend it. Im so on my college grind now!!)
2. Big Sister had some drama and is now relocated to ATL =)( She has always been the peace maker between my mom and I, she makes sense!)
3. Mom wants to be the dirty, old, raggidy, weird black vine spreading rumors and lies but now about her own kids. (Wow what great parenting skills you have my dear)
4. I only have friends and best friends, nothin more, (once again thanks mom)
5. Havent made any progress what so ever between all the drama, mom and trying to stay sane.
6. Couldnt even DANCE it off dance practice was canceled so I might just have some more stuff to do when I get home.. Like danceee! in the shower, closest outsideee =)
7. Realized I was very busy at one point with one person and I can do a WHOLE lot in the meantime.
8. I have rather senstive feelings though I wrap them in a razor blanket so everyone else can feel my wrath. (hehehe)
9. Im very well rounded and not falling off the edge, nor near it for that matter.
10. I havent begun to miss myspace or facebook like that but we can forget the fast food and junk food when your mom doesnt cook nor bring food home regularly.
11. You can only look out for your best interest, though people care and love you they might not know all you want and the path you would rather choose.

On other notes. Lily Allen miscarried. I dont know how I feel about it. I believe its horrible, but its also life and might help her writeeeeee and make better music =)


This week has been absolutely.... scenic.
Even the cloudy days were memorable.
I really have to pray about a lot also.
School My Future My Mom and Sister.
Where this path is leading me how I think of myself and where God plans to take me...

We shall see.
Updates soon...
Live _gold