28.12.08

Big-Rate-Fool-For-See-Son

okie but its close to Brittney Spears song title, "IF YOU SEEK AMY"
Figure that one out.

But just a topic Be greatful for the season
and appreciative.

Its the end of the year and just thinking about all the things shows the growth of the person.
Just cant wait to start a new on the next one.


My own canvas.

18.12.08

God loves me...

"Attention, lovers of pink lace and leopard print and frilly frocks and pretty party dresses: Betsey Johnson probably, most likely, pretty much definitely, is coming to a Target near you next fall! Get the full scoop, after the jump." (Glamour.com)






-nik_GOLD

13.12.08

LoveDoesntLiveHere

I dont want to be that hopeless lover blindlessly loving someone who only half way loves them back.

I dont want to be cheated on and mistreated but still run back with open arms and two black eyes and symphilis and clemedia and 8 different types of std's.

I dont want to be lonely because my supposed "man" is on the phone with another.

I dont want to fall in love and simply just fall...

Love is too risky
Just not for me I guess.
Thats why I choose to be single and the true flirt until someone is safe enough to take it with me.
The pill of trust
cause Im not going in with a full heart next time or leaving with half of one.

Confused?
Love is nor longer living in my heart only calculating in my brain
So shrunken and dismissed they called me HEARTLESS.

7.12.08

Sunday Nights

(just dandy face*)

i just had a dejavu
But instead of a sad lonely depressing one like I would think knowing the situation im in

It was a self renewing one
One that made me think everythings going to be fine.

For some reason I just know God's behind it.
or myself before this life. (get it?=))

either way it made my raggidy A night.

LIVE GOLD. =)

9.11.08

Hope in moderation;;




So we finally have the president all (most) of us have been waiting for. Some change in our lives that noone can take away (hopefully not another Kennedy)...


Dont end something you believe will self distruct on its own.


On my point of view let the man run his full term. It took Bush two full terms to put us in this mess.


One term of positive reinforcement and changes for the better can only take us so far. We are in fact running this term only for the next one. It will take at least 8 years to rake up half the disorderly term oil we are (America) in now.





I always wanted a black president (Biracial can cut it)


Not just because Im black (but trust it has something to do with it)


But also


1. Now our little black boys and girls can have something to look up to. Cant make excuses now because we can make it every single one of us.


2. I dont want any negros running around the streets making havoc because they have a black (homeboy on their side now) but now we can run the streets afros and all ( what stopped us before?)


3. Color coding blacks even with the number of power blacks we have running all around the world. Still being judged on the few bad apples, every race has their bad examples.. We can cope with ours and plant seeds so our young never turn out the same rotten types.





I always wanted a black president for our past.


We came from the cement to create and form a true rose.


Someone that can see the world for the many points of view.


Someone with untainted aspects of the world and doesnt mind letting his fellow Americans know, you know hey guys we have a real problem here, instead of dragging us around like blind mice on leashes.


I want to be fed the truth no matter how bitter sweet it is.





I know I am young, heck I didnt even get to vote. But just knowing a presidential candidate got the most young adults (college students and youth etc) to come out and vote period made my year and years to come. Making changes and he wasnt even elected president yet.





And I can go on with a didactic speech on why if I was 18 I would have voted Obama but who else would have most grey states (indecisive states) voting blue (Democrats).





Only 12 percent of America is Black and to have over 90 percent of your own peoples vote's is miraculous, even more because he was not like Al Sharpen (depending on the negro vote to win).... cause you wont win. It was his own mothers line (Caucasian, clear, white) including the mass majority people of all ages, ehtinicites, backgrounds, the common man, the needy man, the dependent man to come out and vote.


When do we all pick the work over the play??


When the vast majority likes what it offers, the after affects and can live with it everyday of the next four years.


When we know the outcomes and possibilties of what could happen would be positive because we worked every day... just wooww


all of that holiday time, time off because we worked hard and didnt give in (impeachment?, pleasee)





For some reason God didnt give a doubt in my mind that McCain would win, and I was fine with it. Knowing who my leader would be, who would be making the changes for the next four years on health care, education and most importantly the economy.


The sun shone brighter the next morning.


Next to everyone showing their full out for support for Obama.


It was wonderful





A question though..


Who will stand behind him when the economy starts to bail (even more than it is now)?


When the changes are coming too slowly and we, the people are becoming impatient?


Are we still going to be the same Obama supporters we were when he was elected?


Have the same views and opinions the day he was inaugurated?


Be the same fan of change and progression the day his first bill came out?





Or





Will we turn on him like Aubrey from Danity Kane?


Banish him like Janet from the Superbowl?


Dismiss hims like tomatoes in the Salmonella scare?





I wont


I really wont not when he showed his true colors from the start and never wavered nor backed down when a stern hand stood in his way.


Who else then Obama to bring us through the storm.. the same ol Bush-fan-retired- republican cant no matter how many votes you try and cheat states you try and win.


Its always darkest before the light.


And wouldnt you want to see such a change with a man such as Obama?


Tell you grandchildren how a change did come and you were there to stand by its side and see its plans pull through.


Believe in C*O*h*B*a*A*n*M*g*A*e


A change is worth living for dont you think?








CHANGE



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5.10.08

Lucky Valentine

October so far.. has been a marvelous month.
Sure the work I have been drowning in only seems to multiply but career wise and friend wise...


WOW

can you have a sisters back or what?
REGRET NOTHING

oh yeah and I have boyfriend(s) now, =)

NO ONE can stop me hahahaha TAKING over the world!
boy golly gee(v.p debate<<<, did you watch)
I miss that show (pinky and the brain)

well im off for now.
Going to watch Apocalyto again

3 things I wish could change
mom pay the heat bill so I can take warm showers again
mom pay the phone bill so the phone wont cut off in the middle of my convo
I didnt have something annoying lodged in my eye.

This week is spirit week at school or homecoming,,,, whatever the case may be expect pictures and lots
MONDAY>> celebrity day_ me myself and i. never went to rehab

Ps. Im out
God Bless =)

2.10.08

Drifting joy//Deadly venom =X

when good things go you hold on tighter??


well I let it go
that old saying if you trully love it let it go and if it comes back its true?


well when it flies back I still dont have a grip nor do I want one
no thats a bold face lie
Its just about being comfortable with it
Dont want to feel sick deep loving into it.
Something that close to you can surely harm you....
eh.//

so for me the next step isnt loving but trust making
no
im not talking about catch-me excercises.
im talking about true life and whatever garbage is thrown your way trust.

when that test is passed its freedom and bliss
something my butt cant dismiss

you can deny lust but never true blue love

Just waiting to travel up the hood path with extra leverage of experience and Godly knowledge.
=)
that would be greeaaaaaaaaaaaaattt.

--The coming attraction
WHAT, the main feature.
SO thick will ability
Is it in your facilty?--
Photobucket

1.10.08

arugala

why do people always find a way to make you miserable?

And I find myself always stuck in between a rock and a hard place.
Drama always finds me at the most awkward moment in time but I must say it isnt as bad as it could be because I rarely get drama,.

But ill pray on it.
Gnite.

23.9.08

Rubberband Stand influences the Wooden Straws.

Just thought that you should know.
That since youve been in my life
Everything I thought was right.
Is
Wrong.

The lyrics of the night.
Dedicted to that special noone.

Right now im in a dilemna.
Trying to cut off dead strings of friendships/relationships that arent getting me anywhere,
Probably motivated by the sudden spark of interest in ... uh dessert. caramel dessert to be exact.
=P
but on a serious note.
Friends with bad motivations who always want you to tag along arent friends at all.

And friends who are more persistant then you to chill etc arent friends but groupies,
Hence the no acquaintances in those sentences.

Groupies_
Plan and simple

Off for my entertainment of the night.

sweet tongue me

so the usual response I get when I tell people im a virgin is... "o wow, seriously?"
the usual response when I tell people I never.. ever had a boyfriend is.... "what? whyyy?"
quite simply because theres no need for one.
Yeah ive been through the whole "friends with benefits" thingy and look wheres that has gotten me.
I mean im a virgin so quite raw-ly theres no putting out, giving in OR letting go. I have it until im married no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
Secondly were on the phone for ends on the time... k thats surely going to fade away because I get bored with people easily.
So you know where I live and paid for my movie before.... thats what friends do when friends are broke...
Is this cruel?
I doubt it, this is why my heart has never been broken.. I have never put it out there.
And yes i have still experienced love in all its bliss but im to say the least not putting my neck out there for something that is not guarenteed to come back or even look back.
And sure ive had crushes .. but the moment I find a flaw its over I mean I might still crush a lil but your pedestal has been chopped to shreds you are now just a mere mortal with flaws, worries and anxietes... what a turn off!
I kid, I do, because finding the perfect person is impossible in mild words. I would hate a robot of a man to be always on time, always knowing what to say(aww_ puke*) and then trying to fix me. ME? I believe ill grow on my own please and thank-you.
But right now im interviewing for that first boyfriend position and ive got to be quite honest i will now be seperating my friends from more because the line has gotten as thick as gravy these past couple of weeks. But we shall see.... boyfriend necessity or nah??

9.9.08

Modern substitutes

I promise my titles will never mean anything but random glowy words that float into my head.

anywho

HOW ARE YOU??

Its been a while!!
and i've been sick (sad face here)

But since sick i've seen the world from a different point of view life is short as stated in previous blogs ( R.I.P Trevayne).

SOOooo Ive been more of myself.
Chipper outgoing caring funny goofy loving self.
People love it .. i don't see any objections
Even my teachers love it when i participate (they know its that or my heads down)
lol
What also has helped is my self esteem
I know nothing good would come of this shopping online but more clothes....
Well I have too much
omg I SAID IT
I haven't worn like 10 items but why rush it right?
Its not bad... I still dont have a pair of sneakes!
But also with the new clothes and glowing charisma (smh) i've gotten compliments boys and girls yippie!


Away from materialistic things!!

I handle tasks so much easier
go to sleep earlier so i function throughout the day.. less complaining when i go to dance and f.b.l.a meetings,

Or maybe its because Ive gotten to a point where its , if im not happy with who i am now and start making moves to catapult my career... when is the chance?


So here I am. Being all responsible.
Reading my bible
Responding to most of my messages (;-P)
Chilling with the partying etc,
My mind has to be right
Plus I was watching this guru program that triggered a verse i read in the bible
Ill come back for it!



kk well thats it.
lol Ive limited myself to a half hour
Oh snap!!
i gotta start writing my demonic complicated syrup dipped poems again (scholarships here!!!)


Goodnight/God Bless/ Live life!!!

nik_gold.

24.8.08

Wonderless Temptress

Sooo' im just here blessing my page

Galatians 2:12

Everything is going swell.
This week is college scholarship week =)
just trying to be a smart passionate youngster with potential.

I didnt order anything today =)

I am opening my social pattern .... not really caring (more*) who i hang out with (young&old, big or small*) as long as theyre goal and money oriented and faithful christians who dont bore me to death. Not too hard right?
Or you no what just not focusing on friends at all cause they could get in the way of what i am striving for (education and extracurricular activities and a meaningful relationship with GOD.*) and plus i have enough, so if you want to be one you really have to put yourself out there...
cause i am trying to catapult my career.
but i have to stand up for myself with my friend borrowing my clothes
cause quite frankly its annoying and i don't want to borrow her's =/

Cheetah
Cardigans
Skinny belts
and ankle boots are in

so jump on the bandwagon (don't*) smh
and mix up your style with your personality (do)

Have a great day/night
My music play list is slowly being taken over my wayne

Waiting for the video...
I listened to my Damien Marley album which i haven't in the longest.
Please check out his last album **
does wonders for the soul


Well i have school
So be blessed not stressed

nik_gold. =)

20.8.08

Mister Beasley

So i have some serious problems with this shopping online thing


First of all, im only on here because i took a nap from my last period class until i woke up around 8 at home..
(sorry to the people that passed me on my way home!*)
im a little.. umm lol inconsiderate when my eyes are literally half open.

And now thanks to my internal clock im craving bacon and eggs... yummm


So back to this online shopping, its my moms money im just SPENDING.
and DUH i know its wrong and credit money is the worst but tell my eyes that when they look and look at every skinny jeans and brand new stiletto shoe on the page.
Tell my mind that when it ponders on the many ways i could wear the clothing choice.
Tell my skin that when it yearns for the attention and neediness of being clothed in the best
AND tell my fingers that when they are entering the credit card number to complete the weekly process.

I do have a lot of clothes i must say.
I can only think of the ones recently purchased....most definetly cant remember the countless amount of jewelry i own so i circulate in the circle i know.
Its kind of scary, hopefully when i get my HELLO KITTY debit card next week i wont be recklessly trying to change my style and order 100 pairs of Jordans and recently released blazers... =X ahh!

UGHHH! i can see it now!
I need a job.. and for that.. where i live a car is needed..
=(
*gas
*economy
*insurance
ohh yeah ** license would be nice




SOOOO, i saw the Obama family on the cover of Essence and the first lady (almost) on the cover of Ebony*
I must say, they are quite a cute little picture family.
Little brown people with brilliant minds and winning personality qualities
ooo
and the ability to converse with a diversified crowd and still have a sense of who they are and where they come from!

All i want for Christmas!!
ISSS for Barack to be president..
Mexican vice??(freee gov cheeesee for all!! AND release borders!)

lol but also for him to run for a full term, no plots etc for a termination of this, no schemes to split the marvelous Brown family apart.
Just an honest in-control positively influenced and outcomed (a word?) term.
Everything cant be healed in one term but its enough for African American and Black immigrants.
HECK!
Anyone with extra Pigment in their skin to STAND up and say!! "SI SE PUEDE!!!"
=)
Just a wish,

And im off to do some work due thurs and TRYY so desperately hard to sleep
and pray for these addictions im developing so early in my life.
(hopefully i get my celly(??) back tomorrow!! )
I wasn't sneaky enough today!

(actually laughing out loud)
well until next time.

live it golden_
oHH and visit my myspace n stuff (myspace.com/na318)*****
(why did the delivery guy for pizza hut have the nerve (since i get pizza delivery like twice a week) im fat... but to the point... to give me his myspace numberrr everything!! lol.. like im NOT gonna order pizza friday!) come on!

KK IM LEAVING OFF
My sister bought a bed AND she has my debit card too!! =)

17.8.08

thee saddest post.


RIP Trevayne Cozart

wow, way too young.
whoaa
i just saw this boy the other day. =/
i wanted to talk to him but he past me and kept walking.


i didn't know much about him...

I did know he was chill, known and from Georgia'
He didn't seem to get in much trouble and now i feel so slow for not taking the time out to get to know him.

Not that there would be a difference in my sadness
A. Want to know someone but cant cause you waited too long and life is too short?
B. Know someone cherish them and have them taken away from you in a blink of an eye?

Not that i drink but if i did this would be the moment to do so.
Its crazy i never knew/spoke to anyone that passed before.
they say the best leave first**

live life n enjoy every moment,
please.

10.8.08

Fast

lets make this short cause moms coming home.
i miss textin ... my friend
school is tomorrow
i need to focus
and start reading my bible yet AGAIN
(when i neglected my phone i neglected my bible)


umm some picss

my friend is leaving 15th and left my house yesterday =(
** came out the womb myself so i can survive on my own** =/



me, bestie, dates hand =/.. her date is somewhere..

school n stuff,


why would they have the first day of school and senior pictures on the same day??????????
can anyone say ride??

pray for me*

fastinggg. cul8r. lol

5.8.08

Feeling ok?

i was sad yesterday now im coolin it. I used to be a text whore now my phone is dead and i just dont care... Sad to say everyone i need is here with me.
Everything else is FLUFF. Much WANTED fluff but its w.e
=)


thank GOD for besties, a bible and a pool to chillax.
Oh yeah and a car to drive. lol


hopefully ill find what im looking for.
Well im off to take a shower so here are some pics chix.





8am.

i cooked breakfast for my mom this morning. Could she not tell something was wrong? Or am i becoming a better actress? I didnt even put some food on the side for myself. (not hungry these past couple of days) O wells. I should be over this loving-affection giving syndrome in the next 2-3 days.

my fridge is packed these days, no room for extras!




school starts in 6 days.

Error: Message Could Not Be Sent, Try Again Later.

My mind runs around in forwarded messages complaining about the forwardees that reply. My fingers dangling off my board hopelessly waiting for a meaningful message but noone sends. My heart quivers with the thoughts of losing feeling, going numb, dumb, blinded, with that just smoked a blunt feeling.

Techno spirited but absentminded because I'm trying not to cry over the convos we could of had since two in the morn. my skin vibrates with sympathy with being a temptation unprescribed for and thus unwanted and unnecessary. When can i find my three am replyer, without female forwarders or in this case concubine texters, and after three years of comfort and relief im not fasted for like a bad drug...

They say life has its ups and downs like a roller coaster, a mistaken sent message, or even worse a love note with the wrong name. I must label this a down's down, labeled chill cause worse would be a resender in this weather when we all know you got the message.

1.8.08

Corona n lime*

Make me =) for a while.

enjoy-

mydrivethru


corona n lime


dont be shy



she loves everybody


finding my way back


before you were my man


i need you bad


more than friends

30.7.08

Available Symphony

okay so we all make mistakes.
we all know were making the mistake when were making it ... well half the time.

My question is
"why cant God talk to us when he doesnt want us to make the mistake?"
or maybe he does
so we know were nothing but human
or maybe im justifying my actions...

We only live right
once
and "Match Point"
has inspired me to be lucky then...
whatever the outcome
lucky is more of a 50/50 chance "like whether if the ball when it hits the net will bounce back to you or go over"

To only think I thought i was perfect.
Now im used
feel like ive been thru it all but i know thats only half.
im a tool used to make waves through this world.
for what i have no idea and i think thats the point.
How big the wave makes me ponder..
a lost doll is more attractive than one that sits in place.

My head is closed for service my fingers move on their own
based on my swinging emotions..
swinging on gorilla bars
laced with acid and razor sharp spikes
but i dont mind
my mind is not in it.
a natural high
to capture my facial expressions and replace them with strung out notes of a melodic saxophone

Why conjure up the spirit of innocence??
So it can be used to and run around until its old torn and black?
Why not just deal with what you have now.
its good for now
lol
your not crying
just tearing so its not that bad
remember what mom said , "people have it much worse"

So close your eyes
open your arms and hike up your pants
Secret
and take a shower_
you smell

29.7.08

//awesome REMI NICOLE

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=101582978

punkish retro pop

i gotta thing for this chick
and its NOT because she has my name lol,
maybe cause shes on AMY WINEHOUSE'S page????










whatever the case.
i like it funkyness
lol

well im on the phone
NOT going to see step brothers today but on the phone with my friend who has =/
lol
jealousy is bad!!!!!

28.7.08

coffeeCAKES

MAYBE IF_


if i was a little lighter id get more comments?
more attention?
breaks?

if i was scandalous id have more views?
friends?
events to go to?

if i was richer, id have more clothes?
things to do throughout the day?
no limits?



ha ha

This would change who i was inside out.. Right?
Is it really better to be lighter a reflection of man's want for a lighter (whiter) woman or the way you are and a unique one at that.
To be listened to and respected for your words, wisdom and thoughts.. however modern they are. For people to say,"Who is that girl??" and mean it for my inward-to-outward demeanor instead of an outward appearance that can easily diminish...
To be on the edge of right, slip up and be slipped into the wrong hands like a bad drug. Influence those in a wrong full manner, to be taken out of a good place in life because noone can handle you, not even yourself. Patience and an antidote is needed but noone is there to feed it..
For more money to attract the wrong things and bring the wrong crowds, by the time i blink my money is gone, along with family, friends, my relationship with God and my future,,,

I'm made this way for a reason I believe, but maybe the reason I have no idea what it is is to be blinded and make waves where waves are needed instead of going straight there and when the job is done so is my existence here...

(i hope im making sense to someone other than myself)

My life is so...
precious
different
stable
authentic
paced
and ready for me to live every second of it.

So here i am.
Upgrade my well-being.

27.7.08

7/27/08

well....
today was a good day =)








African fair:: new bracelet (FIRST PICTURE)

THEE WHOLEE DAY
i love embracing culture
even if it means hand-crafted leather one of a kind $275 shoulder bag with metal hoop for arm (soo delicious, yumm)


well im on the phone (oo lala) so scadadel
later_

25.7.08

Blackberry, my cat and a medium caramel latte*

nik_ says!!!!!

okay so finally off of the phone and away on aim so i can think!!
ughh
(hold on BOTH phones are ringing)
cool
well

These past couple of days here in Georgia have been rather boring.. but now that ive opened my mind to things i can do im open to MILLION ZILLION possibilities and ENDLESS time.
Starting with shopping and hence conquering my fashion abilities =)
Ive purchased boat shoes which i absolutely love, recommended by the infamous (Daniel) (wearing them tonight for THE DARK KNIGHT) and though im sure im the last person to watch it who CARES. lol
better late then ever.
NEXT
i also brought some pumps....



andddd OO LA lA!

some pumps they are. Ive been inspired from http://www.classicpumps.com/

and just pumps style in general.

easily paired with skirts, skinny jeans or poufy shorts im sure to have fun with them the rest of the summer into the school year. =)
***Remind me to post my sketch of poufy shorts for you, the viewers. (im sure ive solved the problem of shorts that are too short (moms) and for your flat bootied mama's) lol

Cant wait to make the first pair for myself!!!!

Topic 2.

Turban headbands or even like mine (chain) headbands are SOOOOO cool =)
http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=acc%5Fhat%5Fhairgoods&product%5Fid=1052619110&Page=2#
http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=acc%5Fhat%5Fhairgoods&product%5Fid=1052167868&Page=2

perfect for bad hair days or just regular days where you want your hair pulled back, and also a little girlier then the regular hats and berets.

HERES THE ONE I MADE =)
I used an old gold chain and elastic for the front. (the back thoe you cant see i used scraps of denim for the ends for an urban twist)*



fishy face_




soo YAYy to headbands!!

Topic 3

This summer has been... different,

Ive been to New York for a month which is definetly NOT long enough.

july 4th ^^





NEWYORK included the good the bad and down right ugly but ive grown from it and it definetly makes me the person i am today so to change something wouldnt be the same or as great of a learning experience...


Then South Carolina........

mom makes me do this pose whenever i go to the beach
its okay....LAUGH; lol


back to georgia!!!





chocolate n vanilla!!!!!

since ive been to this house (not quite HOME, and it probably will never be 10 MONTHS!!)


JAZMINE SULLIVAN_




i loooveeee the SONG, LYRICS and most recently VIDEO, just cause its so chill, normal and something i WONT get irritated by.

so congrats JAZMINE youve been added to my playlist. =)
I KNOWWW its not just me but do i hear a ALICIA KEYS??


i loveee live performances just to compare it to what these ARTIST make in the studio..


soo heres a liveeeee****



SHES 20????
wah wah
i could listen to her, Chrisette Michele and Amy Winehouse all day =)




Topic 4
my school SMH!!!!!!!

listen when the lady says "dont pull people hair lemme tell ya"
lmbooo








READ A BOOK, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.


onto greater news
i knowww im still thinkn about the school video too but it happens
(10 MONTHS****)
Just catching up:


Did you happen to see the CNN Presents: Black in America???

This is a must see people!!!!!!!!!. they should be having repeats, check youtube.com* and a feedback from well known Black overachievers TONIGHT> please watch and keep and ear out for more cultured news.




Topic 4

Reading the bible:
would it be a stress to bring it with me to read?? thats the only way i get the majority of my reading done. But however it gets done it needs to.
HAVE YOU READ YOUR BIBLE LATELY???
ITS like 'DEGRASSI' and 'DAYS OF OUR LIVES IN' ONE.
REAl life stories for us to learn from and spread to others. =)

i dont mind the task.

well im off!!!

(eyebrows, chinese food, THE DARK KNIGHT w. friends) FINALLY



have a great day
COMMENTS
and keep posted!


adventures of nik_



13.7.08

You never knew.

so i definetly hesitated writing this for some odd reason....

But here it goes.

My feelings and emotions are wrapped in this yarn ball write now... Maybe not as complicated because there are only a few Valid feelings.

Dumb
Sad
Anxious
Angry


lol .. Yeah so the first one [Dumb] I don't so much feel Dumb but ignorant. I want to learn so much in so little time [God, My career, relationships, people in general] and have no idea where to start... Reading the bible has only made me thirstier for the knowledge and wisdom i have yet to possess.

SAD- Not so much as leaving New York because it was time to go and like i said before i do NOT want to be greedy with what I want. Its more or less what... I left there.
Open strings, Unfinished ideas, Unplanned plans, Undefined relationships... Ill get over it. lol I have before, like starting the cycle over again EXACTLY a year from this week... i believe.
My mother actually admitted that she could have waited 2 years to make the big move which would have helped me out a lot... But thats just being selffish. I know she needed a change.. So me being who i am to her.. i guess i needed one too.

ANXIETY

[just a note.. im getting angry because im hearing the pussy.. cat and it odeeeeeeeeed stratched the heck out of my arms and hand this morning....Should i skin it or box it China Panda?]

But um anxiety, mainly because I KNOW i can make a change and already started with little projects around the house, such as making little jackets and pants for myself and enlarging the collage for my newly painted purple room. Hopefully also becoming a PR for this DJ i met [out of all places] a gas station. lol But its like...ugh you have to live in Georgia to understand so in case your not lets move on... Anxious for school to start in a couple weeks. Find out who my friends are, am i going to fall into the same pattern [please no]. HAVE TO JOIN THE YEARBOOK COMMITTEE and try out for dance ensemble again ANDDDD become tennis captain.. ANDDD maintain a 4.0 ANDDD get/maintain a job, volunteer in my career choice and scrutinize all the scholarships available for me. "Dont forget to stay in touch, Nikki" smh.... Is my friend...... going to get me this phone... and if he is will i be the same person i was when i had the sidekick last. [Lord i REALLY hope not] but just because it is the phone it is... It would be mighty convenient. Lastly from my experiences at daddy's house..am i going to bring some of those umm extracurricular activities back home with me. Hopefully with my praying and such it will be a one time kinda thing.

so
moving on.,

ANGRY- o boy am i angry. lol The last time [don't flinch] being honest i hit my mom with a tennis ball from across the tennis court.. I cant describe it in words. No way am i near crying but i would lock myself in a room and break a nail.. which yay great i did today... SOooOo off to church I go in a couple of hours to pray about the same things that I prayed about when i was 13. lol WOW. really fell of track here, havent i?


On another note. today we got new windows. Your eyes cannot feast on such a feast with grainy views. soooo i love my room with its windows that greet me with a reflection of what i put into view. =]


Plans;
Pray
Dance until my feet give out [literally]
Yoga it for a few...
Block this boy OMFreakinnnngGosh. [btw, the pics u get are the ONLY ones on myspace. I AM NOT LOLA BUNNY, neither do i take pix like her...nemore ever]
Mellow it out with thee Pod.
Snore
Church
Ignore this room until Mon NIGHT, [think i can make it????.... well efff u!.. lol nah implayin]

so im sleepy now.. and def going off topic..
But if your reading this SAVED or NOT. SOMEone loves you and he is MIGHTY.
Also like Tupac, Keep your head up.

0=]

3.7.08

half-way through.



incomplete neccesity...

Denying the possible. Making my self unheard, Lowering my standards. Realizing that i Can be everything i want to be or nothing at all/ Visions, stories, movies all played out in my brain's own movie theatre that dissapear when the sun greets my weary eyes. I dont know why i dream of things so realistic but only occur in my dreams, like i can make them happen because duh.. nothing is unmanegeable but my actions show differ in purpose..
Listening to that sweet voice in my head that keeps me sane, but by sane i mean questioning my motives and actions and denying the circumstances that underly in them. Walking in my own blood leaving my drunken footprints but not feeling the stab wound that punctures it and makes me weak. leak. i laugh at the thought of being discovered but not at the fact that i cover it well or what is uncovered, no but the fact at who will do it..
Who will uncover the mask that hides the heroine... or????
What more could i Be
I strive to be more open more postive and intuitive
but i get sidetracked like a strong case of ADD comes and hits me square in the head.


But i like him
ugh track of subject
he is AWESOME
=]
big screen something to look forward to and this is all he gets.

NEXT

So I havent been doing anything with my life but when i get back to the BOONDOCKS
definetly stepping my game up in the public relations department.
I have to be myself regardless right
so go all out or go home.
kk this is it for now. Hopefully I write one before i leave.

Im going to miss him,
them
and us
whatever that means

New York was fun while it lasted but 'ims' travel farther.
Will thee old flame spark again...
probably not
since the flame has moved to another burning bush.
I havent visited all my friends and i feel bad but I wouldnt be able to anyway... sooo 0=]
I move too fast and I see that now.
"Speeding only gets you ticket in the long run"
niice .

Slow down baby your moving to fast. you got your hands in the air and your feet on the gas.
I Shake my head at the thought of my former motives
Seriously focusing on God my future and career. =]
Cause those are the only things that will take me the farthest.

Thee only rhythm in my life---- my obsession with this thing called love...

13.6.08

music for musiq

I knew she was a brunette. Lol
I like it love it
My whitish side of me.

kissed a girl



your so gay





long shot
once you like one you like them all. =]
well I did




omg flashback of t h e Y E A R!!!

i was 3 and giddy 0=]






Song of the year (last year)
0=] good times
I love her sound, vibe, aura


[liveee]


Adele Amy and Duffy =] help me sleep at night.
song in my head all day
cause I feel like im going through the motions

****

****

*************

****

************






On rotate on the ipod =]

12.6.08

when tears fall blind

photos//

Photobucket

Photobucket


i left my emotions in Gerogia

-ouch?


feelings are for wimps
ive always wanted to say that but not feel it
always falling in traps not setting it

not saying ive been an emotional reck with boys..

umm no thats why i dont do serious relationships but in peoples relations to me in general

not trying to make more friends
not caring

its been heavy since i came to new york for the summer
especially since mom didnt think about postponing my trip until people actually get out of school.

see but im okie with that cause i dont care- kinda
just nervous trying to fit everyone in my schedule (no lie) physically saying be here or ill be there etc.
hurts..
my head
so advil is my friend these days
maybe thats why my emotions are being clouded by my medicated states. idk one way or another
i realized

i know even less than the less i know
so im just sittin on sand waiting for a drop of rain
smh

kk my tiger striped nails (that i myself created)
are irratating the hell out of me tapping against the keyboard
and my half dressed picture on myspace got me more private mundane messages
that are along the line "waddup sexci"

smh than actual comments
so im off the computer and hopefully a nap before dad over here tells me to wash more dishes or
(animated) sis comes home and borrows more of my clothes she cant fit and jewelry i wont see again


damnn.
really left my emotions there huh??

-HEAVYGETAWAY

and yesterday was nice even though i know it wont happen again

lol especially with me leaving again but thats not that bad is it?

back to l.i to do absolutely nothing but hibernate and then georgia...GEORGIA.

nope, rings no bells.

27.5.08

helmethead&adoptedchild_

whatd u think? lol im bangin my grows out. lol (growin my bangs out)
o cheaa, def no make-up for summer cause its HOTTTT ^^^(nat-tu-ral)^^^
85 degress is not what it was 5 years ago. =0

meaningless..

i was sitting on my bed one day. Rudely awoken my my mom probably for something dumb and unreasonable, but when i was sitting there all these thoughts rammed them selfs into my head as big as it is. =]

And i got a headache.

But thats besides the point, I faced my mirror (which is adjacent) to my bed and asked myself, what have i done with my life? No seriously, I know what i haven't done, no kids, sex, drugs, gangs (lol me in a gang?? ) bad grades or w.e. But what have i done to leave my mark on the world, When I'm gone what will change? What will stay the same? Am I truly meaningless? Sure, some tears will fall but don't we have the same reaction when our favorite show ends or our pet dies? How do we truly measure our worth as a human being and more importantly what steps could I take that are efficient in striving to make a difference in this brutally-honest world...

Yeah that headache lasted for a minute..

But throughout the duration of the day I wondered would I be doing community service other than credits and would I have enough energy to change the world or more importantly the community i live in. If it was that easy wouldn't it have been done before, wouldn't i have heard of people who tried? Or is EVERYONE lazy, idle and uncaring??
What could I contribute?
My sarcastic remarks?
Ignorant and childish rants of insanity and neediness...
Do people really need to hear another teenage story to complicate and explain their lifes?


Well after hours of pondering and weighing the pros and cons of my existence
Ive decided I'm here for a reason only God knows and not me.. for a reason you see
For the lives we change if we knew the path we were to take would be much less than if we had no idea where to go
like blind mice in a cage, how much of a difference would we make, where would we travel and how many lives would we influence?
We wouldn't know until we threw on our kick em boots strap on our work belt and hit the road.
isn't it...
Life is like a box of chocolates.. You never know what your going to get?
Well yeah that sums up my rude awakening.

14.4.08

title wave.





lmao
its so weird cause i notice things i normally wouldn't since being in this broadcast journalism class

but both videos start off with linking shots then zoom in to the main focus.

**** the fact is the paris, tokyo video is newER, but song is sOoooo stupid old right now
lmao that was def on my page last year

and this has nothing to do with me being so music influenced... =X


ughh mom was playing Otis Redding in the car over and over and over and overrrrrr.
lol




On more curent news...

MY SISTER WENT BACK TO NEW YORK today!!
i feel like she left me like a piece of luggage (irony)
since i was ... lmaoo

but um yeah i ordered more clothes from wherever else? (forever21 145dinero) until h&m openes up. lol

and i also put in papers for forever and bakers the other day
then went back to check on it and meet the manager yet again. i dont think we made eye contact the first time...

i really want/need/got to havee it!!
lmao

and i guess my fastin thing has gone down the drain ill just minimize my talking until i get hurt again and crawl in my shell =(

w.e!!
im so un-gushying myself
i have no idea when the caring, loving understanding Nicole came from
but it also came with the materialistic, sensitive, procrastic shit to.


o no got to go.

lol
like how are you going to tell people to get themselves together and your the epitome of scattered-ness
???
reminds me =)
(myspae.com/na318)

and with that my entertainment of the day has retired itself.
so i shall retire to my strip of mattrass(ma -trass mon!) too.

its funny when i actually talk (aim) 10 people or more mom wants me off...
when i have noone she all mellow n shyttttt.
aughhh
sleep tight.
like a title wave...
(should i have done that, try to tie it in??)
DONT CARE BIOTCHH!
lmao

**fav show right now VIVA HOLLYWOOD!!

12.4.08

the warning

the warning;;



kk so the deal is i haven't had a phone in what feels like 3months
and in a sense i don't want one cause i feel tracked down;;



well same thing with this internet and comp thing.
like i sorta want to break it again
so i dont have to be clockinin or just feel attached to something soooo

meaningless..


so basically the warning is im fasting or w.e

and maybe in this sense when i come back on, ill have like a million comments or w.e


so basically im untouchable if you dont have my house #
and
in a way im trapped cause the internet is my music source

i dont listen to the radio

(hate georgia personalities)
but in a sense i guess ill live

cause w.o the comp phone or w.e i get creative on my own
having to comfort myself or be "in person" with whoever is entertaining me,


i know however this is going to be hard
because im gonna be wondering whos talkin to who, what is he/she doing

but truthfully ill get over it

cause in order to strengthn anything or friendship (or more) i have with you guys on (www)

i have to strengthm myself
(or w.e that means,, i guess ill figure that out , cause def got that from my sis breakin up with former hubby)
and now that shes going back to ny its gonna be even harder.
But i guess like Sam ill just recieve a more outgoing...interesting busy life
like the one i had in ny


cause to tell you the truth i do nothing
and thats basically why i have nothing to say..

so with that i part.



much love and animosity
see you in a couple of longgg hardddd weeks. lol

nik-%%%

visit the space (www.myspace.com/na318) so, "when i come back on, ill have like a million comments or w.e" will happen.
lol kk?
peacengrease


;;took a pic with me and the dress before i return it for a pair of skinny ymi gray jeansss. lol in love already. =]